Tuesday, January 30, 2007

I'm a boob

I'm still completely mental. Writing and talking about my baby craziness didn't help as well as I thought it would. And now, just because Jerry and I had sex during my ovulation "window," I think I'm pregnant.

Never mind that the odds of that being true are next to nothing. In fact, it's about 20 percent. Actually, it might be a little less than that because I'm over 25.

I know all this because I'm crazy and keep researching random pregnancy facts online.

The odds are pretty good over a year. It increases to almost 80 or 90 percent. But if I have to go through this agony of thinking that I'm pregnant for an entire year? Not to mention treating my body like I am just in case I am? My brain will burst.

I have nothing to back up my notion other than the memories of what it was like last time. Before I actually knew, I only remember admiring my slightly larger boobs and feeling tired, but that's about it.

So now, with a few days left to go until I should (and will) get my period, I'm manhandling my boobs like a teenage boy who just got access to his first pair. I swear they seem bigger. Not sore, exactly, but bigger. More full.

But it's all in my head. I know it is.

The mind is a powerful thing. I think I willed my boobs bigger. And my period probably will be late because, for the first time in my entire life, I don't want it.

Then again, part of me wants the crazy battle between my head and my body to end. And if getting my period is the only thing that will stop me from feeling myself up, then so be it.

Because my boobs could probably use a break, too.

18 comments:

Fiona Vanderwall said...

I know we can think ourselves pregnant (been there, done that), but wouldn't it be nice if we could 'think' ourselves thin, or 'think' ourselves ready for work, or 'think' ourselves not tired?!?!?!
At any rate, good luck. Hope this is a period-free month for you!!

Traci said...

I know how you feel. For several months I did the same thing. My boobs actually got sore because I spent so much time poking them seeing if they were sore. Then my period wouldn't come until I took a test and saw that it was negative. It was like that gave my body the go ahead when my mind finally accepted that I wasn't pregnant. We can do strange things to ourselves!

Maybe you did luck up this time, though! May you be period free, sore boobed, and puking your guts out soon!

Stephanie said...

I'm just still stuck on the fact that you're willing your boobs bigger. If you're not pregnant, teach me how to do that!

www.xanga.com/the_plainsman said...

Well, knowing you and Jerry through your posts, whatever happens, I trust it will end up being right for all.

From a guy's perspective, kind of funny to hear about women "willing their boobs bigger." Never really fully understood that whole issue. Yeah, would have missed the first opportunity to buy stock in the implant industry.

Never thought bigger equalled sexier, as a womans appeal eminates from within, how she sees herself. One of the most attractive, sexiest women I knew was, well, a-cup challenged. Yet whenvever she entered a room, guys with Pam Anderson posters in the garage would lust and more than a few women looked, too.) Just Jeans and a blouse or dressed to the "nines".

And she was only borderline plain/pretty. But entirely comfortable in her own skin. Conversly, some of those with the best enginering their money could buy, were not in any way compelling. Or sexy.

So woman, be happy and confident about what you have; with that attitude, chances are that your guy will like them, and you too!

the plainsman said...

Arggh! "They" should have spell check for comments, read mine over twice and then caught my errors after I clucked the poublish key. Biggest error, last "woman" should be "women."

Rachel said...

I am five weeks along and we weren't even trying. Just too lazy to use protection one night. Seriously, just once was all it took. Maybe you'll be as lucky :)

Tiger said...

Let me help you out and share with you something that made my life a lot easier.

When my husband and I got married, we decided not to use any birth control. (We were both virgins when we got married.) We knew we both wanted to have kids, but wanted to wait a while. So we made an effort not to "do it" when I was ovulating.

That method worked for 2 1/2 years before I got pregnant.

However, because it is not a foolproof method, every single month, I hoped I wouldn't get my period. And every month I did. And the months that I wanted a baby the most, made my period even later. I once had a 46 day cycle without a period.

The agony of waiting for it to come was unbearable. I decided I had to do something because I couldn't live like that any longer.

I went onto eBay and purchased a wholesale lot of 12 "First Response" pregnancy tests -- enough to last a year. And I got to avoid looking like a nincompoop buying that many at the drugstore.

Every month if I got nervous and started wondering about my period, I would take a test, see it was negative, and about 2-24 hours later, start my period.

It was the only way I got peace of mind. I recommend you do something like that instead of suffering each month...

*HUG*

Another thing that might help ease your mind... Don't keep track of your period, your cycle, or when you should ovulate. Unless of course you are trying to get pregnant!!! If you're not and you are just throwing caution to the wind, you might want to forget about keeping track. That way you won't know when to worry.

XOXO

www.xanga.com/nothingbeast said...

I'm sorry.

I know this was supposed to have an underlying hint of seriousness....

But I can't get the image of a cute girl fondling her own goodies out of my head.

Hey.... that's what happens when you go nearly 2 and 1/2 years without a date. (and God knows i'm trying!)

J said...

Whatever happens, good luck, love!

Maria said...

You have the power to grow your boobs....amazing!

Kristin said...

Isn't weird how you spend most of your adult sexual life trying not to get pregnant and then when you want a baby, it can't happen fast enough. . . Good luck!

natalie said...

so far, i've only done that once...i thought i/we were ready, but then once my period came i realized i was relieved. not just ready just yet. give me another year or so.
i think that more the months come and go, the easier it will get and you won't be so antsy. but who knows! a co-worker of mine's daughter had a miscarriage and in two months was pregnant again...with TWINS!
good luck and god bless.
-natalie

Ray said...

There's NOTHING wrong with the baby craziness and wanting a baby. After all you are the age to have one and one day you will have one. But I hope that whatever you truly want in your heart to happen, does happen. Hopefully...

Take care, Kelly.

*Marilynmonroe4u2nv from Xanga.*

Anonymous said...

can understand your feeling as even i am going through that phase-when u are trying for baby and not wanting your period to come and feeling tht all the uneasiness in ur body may be due to pregnancy....

but dont worry kelly,everything would fall in place perfectly when the right time comes......till then enjoy ur life!!!!!!!!!

-sreenitha

chelsea said...

it's perfectly healthy to have baby craziness, so don't think you're crazy! when it's right, it's right.

Emale said...

Buena suerte. Good luck.

Anonymous said...

Being someone who has been trying to get pregnant for close to for years...I know how you feel. I have driven myself nuts, "grown" my boobs, and taken so many pregnancy tests!! I hope that this month is your month!

~Kelley (formly rustysmum on Xanga...)

Karrie said...

I seriously need to learn how to "will" my boobs bigger. Can you teach me how you did that? Without all the pregnancy stuff, though, please!

It'll happen when it's supposed to. Best wishes to you and Jerry - I'd want you two for parents if I could choose! You'll do great when the time comes, in 9 months or longer.