Tuesday, January 9, 2007

Maybe Annie had it right all along

I'm a pretty upbeat person -- some might even say obnoxiously so -- but every once in awhile I get into temporary funks where I just don't feel like myself.

While I normally have enough energy to catapault me through an entire day, I find myself feeling lethargic and listless. Instead of being outgoing and talkative, I turn inward. I don't feel any desire to interact with the people around me and would rather stay in the familiarity of my own home. More specifically, plopped on the couch, tucked away from the world under a blanket, succumbing to my "blahs."

But the blahs never happen on a day I have off from work. They usually happen when I have plenty of responsibilities I can't ignore, no matter how badly I'd like to. So I end up stumbling through, getting more and more frustrated when people with good intentions ask me what the problem is.

I have yet to figure out what triggers these days or how to deal with them other than focusing on tomorrow. As rediculous as it sounds, sometimes all it takes is the promise of another day. A better day. A day filled with more potential.

Because no matter how hard I fight the feeling by taking a walk with my four-legged buddy, indulging in an extra long shower, listening to my favorite mood-lifting music or climbing into an outfit that always makes me feel empowered, nothing seems to help. It's like a dark fog settles around me and won't let go.

Even life's little positives don't seem to give me the same satisfaction. Normally I'm the type to appreciate every little unexpected pleasentry or favor. Small things like finding out Jerry emptied the dishwasher or bought groceries can make my day. But not on these days. They barely even register. I have a feeling that not even a visit by the Prize Patrol informing me that I've won Publisher's Clearinghouse would do the trick.

So I just sort of focus on one small task at a time. I try not to let my mind wander too far because I end up feeling overwhelmed and small.

The relief comes when I finally make my way into bed. Because I know the day is over.

And a new one will begin soon.


Alana said...

I know exactly how you feel, that's the way I get sometimes--a lot more than I'd like to admit. Hopefully everything picks up for you soon. :-)

www.xanga.com/the_plainsman said...

Well the new website is working again, I probably had a problem logging on before as it was at the exact same time you were posting your latest entry!

Anyway, tempted as I am to divert them my way, I'll "let" the Publisher's Clearing House crew head to your front door today instead, as that distraction might be, well... distracting!

nothingbeast said...

You're absolutely right.

You are obnoxiously upbeat. ;)

Heidi said...

Ugh ... I feel like this quite often, actually. For me, it's the night shifts. I'm a nurse, and a combo of not having time to exercise, eat properly, and being awake all night and sleeping during the day does it for me (I work 12 hour shifts).

Sheryl said...

I have some days like that, too. More often than not I have parts of days like that---usually after work. It's like this wave engulfs me. Thanks for writing about your fog.

Beth said...

I have times like that, too...I thought it was part of being bipolar, and maybe it is.

Try to get some more sunlight--a few minutes in the tanning bed help me tremendously. Not enough to be dangerous, nor even enough to give me any color, but the light helps my brain.

And so does eating fish, eggs and turkey, all of which are loaded with the chemicals my brain doesn't produce (serotonin.)

You might try a serotonin supplement, and Vitamin D definitely helps, it's like sunshine in a bottle.

And.....know that we're here for you and that we care. I'll say an extra prayer for you tonight, that tomorrow will be better.

Hugs all the way from here.....

Michael said...

You're ridiculously upbeat too much, you need to mellow out and apply your over upbeatedness to you under upbeatedness days so it all averags out into an above average upbeat Kelly.

Anonymous said...

i have those days too. the only time i actually ever got completely cured was by running into a good gay friend of mine. he made me laugh so hard that i could feel the happy chemicals rushing into my brain. for the rest of the day i was more than normal.

Adifferentkindofbeautiful said...


Kay said...

I know that feeling all too well.

Anonymous said...

It's worse when the blah days are ones you DO have off, 'cause then you sit on the couch all day miserable, and feel worse that night because you didn't do anything, and didn't even enjoy it.

At least, that's how it is for me.

Hannah said...

I feel you. I have blah kind of days like that too.

Nutkin's Ho said...

I am having one of those days right now. Almost everything that could go wrong this afternoon has done so, and I still have to go out exhausted to do more postering & double-checking posters for my thesis research. ARG.