To deal with my morning sickness, which really is a complete misnomer ... I mean, the name is so wrong that I need to stop abruptly right this very second and say exactly how wrong it is. "Morning" my ass. I have it ALL DAY. It should be called all-day sickness. Or forever sickness. Or if-you-come-anywhere-near-me-with-that-disgusting-smelling-microwave-lunch-of-yours-I'm-going-to-retch-all-over-your-shoes sickness.
Ah. Much better.
Anyway, to deal with all-day sickness, I've taken the advice of every pregnancy website known to Google and started munching on crackers when I'm feeling queasy. And it really does help. Something about that little bit of salt, but otherwise bland, inoffensive substance that helps me stop taking funky breaths in through my nose and out through my mouth like I'm running a make-believe marathon in my head.
And even though it's insufferable for me, I'm pretty sure it's Toby's favorite part of my pregnancy. I mean food? In bed? First thing in the morning? Before even going to the bathroom? Or sometimes at 3 a.m.? In the middle of the night? For no reason whatsoever?
Without fail, every time I reach for the little plastic baggie beside the bed, before I'm even able to loosen the entire seal, Toby emerges with vigor from whenever he was sleeping under the covers and pops up right next to my face, ears perked at full attention.
Even in the dark I can feel him staring at me. And maybe its wrong to give him a 4 centimeter crumb off the end of every cracker, but his fanaticism for those tiny specks of food and the delicate care in which he plucks them from my fingers and the dainty little bites he takes, chewing each one with a crunch even though he could easily swallow it whole, makes me laugh every time. And I think Toby's antics are just as cathartic as the crackers themselves.
Toby might not be the most well-trained dog on the planet. I mean, I realize that he jumped up and grabbed an entire barbecued chicken breast off a table once and started horking it down in front of my entire family while they screamed and pointed in horror. But he does know a few tricks:
Combat morning sickness.
And how many dogs have that one on their list?