Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Daredevil Jerry

Just for the record, the pickle juice-chugging contest was not an isolated incident. Jerry, on a regular basis asks, "What will you give me if I _________." Mostly it includes ingesting strange substances like our leftover solidified bacon grease, chugging a glass of gravy or sometimes it carries over to our grocery trips where he randomly holds up a can of salted pig lips in the international aisle with a gleam in his eye.

My answer is always the same: "Nothing." Why? Because I know he'll do it. He needs no incentive from me. His mere love of the absurd and thrill of a good dare is reason enough.

In fact, on one of our very first dates, we went to an all-day outdoor concert event. During one particularly less-than-thrilling act, we opted to take a walk and see if we could scrounge up a slice of pizza. On our way, we passed a church trying to take advantage of the huge crowds by holding a fundraiser. A donut-eating contest fundraiser.

Jerry took one look at the contestants and said, "I've got this."

A few minutes later, I was watching him stuff entire donuts into his mouth at a time, smearing glaze all over his face and hands, loving every second of it. It was at that moment that I likened his head to a Muppet. It hinges at his jaw, opening up his entire face. And, incidentally, he won. By more than an entire dozen.

So when he noticed that I had eaten the rest of the pickles during our lunch together yesterday, I should've known not to sarcastically suggest that he drink the juice.

"What'll you give me?"

It immediately turned into a dare. After he spent about 15 minutes making fun of me for finishing the pickles, that is. He called me a wood chipper. I LIKE PICKLES OKAY? Always have. Kosher dills. I don't know what makes them kosher -- I guess the way the cucumbers are slaughtered -- but back off. They're salty and awesome and, well, awesome. It's every man for himself in this house when it comes to food.

After he tired of the wood chipper joke, he got really quiet and said, "No. Seriously. What'll you give me?"

"Um, nothing."

But when he picked up the jar with determination I screamed "WAIIIIT!" I mean, at least let me get the video camera. Sheesh.

And I'm glad I did. That video is so Jerry. Particularly his showmanship. I laugh out loud every time I watch him wave his arm as if to mentally prepare himself for the task ahead. Then about to take a sip ... Nope. Not yet. Another arm wave just for good measure. Then he takes a deep breath and squints his eyes shut like he's about to cannonball into a frozen lake.

If I get nothing else out of that video camera, I'd say it already paid for itself.


Pauline said...

Oh, that video camera has definitely been paid off by that video. You guys are great, haha.

Traci said...

Solidified grease? Ewwww! My husband is in charge of disposing of any gross substances like that at our house because the mere sight of them gets me. I would totally lose it if he were offering to eat gross things (pig lips!).

Loved the video, though! And I'm a pickle fan, too. And, odd fact, but drinking pickle juice cures hiccups!

Randall said...

I need to get a video camera.

Anonymous said...

Favorite quote: "That's Gross! Where's mu hundred bucks?"

chelsea said...

hahaha jerry should of tried what we made in culinary today: a mix of lemonade, maple syrup, ketchup, chocolate syrup and a ton of sugar. the boys were too chicken to drink it so it was dumped out.

Anonymous said...

when i saw your video post yesterday, i was just shocked. shocked at what people will do just for the hell of it. but then last night, i was flipping through the channels and came upon a show called the big idea with donny deutsch. the topic of the show was about the crazy ways people make money. so, he was interviewing a woman who does hand modeling. she was sitting there with these long black satin gloves claiming to have made $10,000 in one day modeling her hands for four hours! i was like, wtf?!

so as he was going to commercial he talked about some dude making thousands by drinking pickle juice!!

maybe you can look into creating a business out of drinking pickling juice...what's the worst that can happen?

the not so thirsty plainsman said...

So I guess it was that donut eating contest that convinced you were going to marry Jerry!

A while back I found a recipe for an old time drink called a "shrub" which contained some powdered ginger mixed in vinegar with a little of something else. Farmers and field hands used to drink it during the summer heat. I guess the vinegar replaced lost electrolytes. This similar in concept to the runners drinking the pickle juice mentioned by a reader yesterday.

I still think Jerry should try that '07 Chateau B&G Sandwich Toppers Pickled Hot Pepper juice, if not by itself, then as a chaser after his dill pickle juice coctail!

Suzy said...

when I worked in fast food one of the girls would drink little cups of pickle juice instead of soda b/c it made her feel "healthier". Jerry didn't look like he felt that way after drinking it.

Ray said...

It sure HAS! I can't wait to see more videos like that. I think it's cute the way you reminisce about old first dates. Very cute.

Take care, Kelly.

Emilee said...

I loved it! Especially Jerry's impression of you eating the pickles.

I have been obsessed with pickles too since I was young -- but not dill. Vlasic bread & butter.

It's good to be able to finally put voices to faces now.

jsi said...

Bacon grease - hands down the grossest thought in my life. Ugh.
Having a head like a muppet because it appears as if it is hinged - hardy har!

So I guess you don't want to be taking any trips to the Korean market for the dares and gastronomical event it could become: how much would you give me to eat these lizard entrails? This sheep stomach? These chicken veins?
He must have a stomach like a steel trap!

April said...


You and Jerry could give Borat a run for his money!!!

f8jrnlst said...

Slaughtered pickels! Thats funny. But bread and butter are way better

Anonymous said...

Jerry seems he was that guy in high school who would eat the most random disgusting cafeteria food combinations for money, haha.

Friend: "I'll give you a dollar to eat this green jello, hot dog, baked bean, and coleslaw sandwich!"
Jerry: "OKAY!!!... BARF!"


natalie said...

ha!!! i just got around to watching that video. HILARIOUS!!!!!!

Kristin said...

Men, lol.

Thanks for the comment, by the way. The MEA's is a standardized test that the fucking government decided we have to take every single year, now. Be grateful that you didn't have to take it because it totally sucks.


Emale said...

Novelle loves a good dill, huh?

Anonymous said...

Claussen pickles are the best...they bring a whole new meaning to kosher dill...yumminess