Wednesday, March 7, 2007

The name says it all

I think it's pretty much common sense that hairdryers are for drying hair. I mean, the name practically negates any confusion, right?

Well, SOMEONE PLEASE TELL THIS TO MY HUSBAND.

If Jerry could tuck my hairdryer away in his toolbox and get away with it, I'm pretty sure he would. Because, to him, the hairdryer is a much more useful apparatus than its name denotes. I mean, just think of all the possibilities! Heating your boxers so they're toasty warm on a cold winter morning. Spill water on the couch and know your wife is going to freak? No problem!

But the coup de grace came when we asked to borrow a carpet steamer from my sister-in-law. Jerry took care of everything while I was at work, and I came home to a sopping wet carpet. And when I say "sopping wet," I'm really not exaggerating. A marine animal easily could've survived off the water in between the threads. If the square-footage was a little bigger, we could've invited a killer whale to stay in the guest bedroom.

Apparently Jerry didn't know that you had to switch the vacuum from "spray" mode to "suck" mode and go over the same spot a few times to pull the water back up. I guess he assumed that the machine was smart enough to do everything at once.

So, long story short, we ended up with a carpet that squished if you dared to walk on it. And if you were in socks, they absorbed enough to look like you had stepped directly into a swimming pool.

Unfortunately, the guest room is the one room upstairs without a ceiling fan. We tried tossing down every towel in the house and stomping on them furiously, but all that did was create a lot of dirty laundry. The carpet was still reminiscent of something that got caught unexpectedly in a torrential downpour.

And, to make matters worse, we had guests coming in two days.

The first day we did nothing. We assumed 24 hours would dramatically improve the situation.

It didn't. Shamu still would've felt right at home.

I was absolutely freaking out, but Jerry remained calm. He told me not to worry about it. He told me the carpet would be dry by the time I got home from work.

In hindsight, I should've asked how. As in, "How, exactly, do you plan on making that room inhabitable after every other reasonable attempt has failed?"

But I didn't ask. I desperately wanted to believe him.

And when I got home that night, he partially kept his word. One small corner of the carpet was perfectly and suspiciously dry. The corner nearest an electrical outlet.

He had used my hairdryer.

And, ladies, I know I don't have to tell you that hairdryers are sort of a necessity -- particularly in the winter. And I know I don't have to tell you that a good hairdryer isn't a cheap piece of equipment. I also know that I don't have to tell you what happens if you use a hairdryer for an extended period of time on its highest heat setting.

Yup, he pretty much burned it out. Either his wrist got tired from trying to dry the carpet. Or maybe the cord wouldn't reach any further. Or maybe he noticed the funny burnt smell that it started emitting. Or maybe it was because the air flow was reduced to a wheeze.

Either way, he put the dryer back in its spot in our vanity and pretended like nothing happened.

Only, the next morning, I figured it out.

And, ironically, when my parents came to visit the next day, my mother didn't pack her hairdryer, knowing she could use mine. And right as she was lamenting how I needed to buy a new one immediately because "one of these days it's just not going to work and you'll be sorry," it didn't turn on.

It died right then and there. When both of us had hair as wet as the carpet had been. And, sure, it's funny now, but if Jerry hadn't been at work, we would've strangled him with the fried hairdryer cord.

The good news is that I think he's learned his lesson.

And for all the other men out there, let this be a lesson to you. Raise your right hand and repeat after me: "Hairdryers are for drying hair."

My work is done here.

17 comments:

Ashley said...

My boyfriend used my straightening iron to his tie. (It had gotten folded in the closet and had a big crease in it.) What he didnt realize was that the thing heated up to roughly the temperture of the sun. It melted a part of the tie.

chelsea said...

i hope you make him pay for a new one! the other day my land line phone was down so my phone company told me to go outside with a hair dryer and dry the box or whatever. believe me, i didnt!

Anonymous said...

just stopping by from xanga (dominique32) wanted to let you know my husband and i still ready your post everyday! it just took me forever to figure out how to comment on here! :) sorry for the loss of your hair dryer!

www.xanga.com/nothingbeast said...

Why does this post read like an old episode of The Cosby Show?

Jerry will be playing the part of a High School aged Theo, and Kelly will be Clair.

And.... scene. :)

the laughing plainsman said...

I am sitting here, reading this and laughing out loud. Ha! LOL! Funny, too I almost never use a hair dryer for anything at all, including hair, but you have given me many new uses to try!

Pauline said...

I woke up to my hairdryer gone one morning. Padded around the house wondering where it had gone off too... Turns out my dad stole it in hopes it would magically melt glue with it's super heat. What our hairdryers go through....

Melinda Hale said...

I am a mechanical engineer, and one of the projects I am working on now is building an unmanned, remote-control plane. This is built out of balsa wood and fiberglass. The balsa wood must be wet to be formable, but dry to be glued. Enter the hairdryer.... It is the highlight of the project to watch five or six men standing around gabbing, each intently hanging on to a hairdryer pointed at a plane...

Marina said...

Oh teh no! Letting hair dry on its own? Please say it ain't so.

Ray said...

Jerry's too funny! That's all I have to say. "Make him buy you a new hair dryer!" =P

Take care, Kelly.

Jennifer said...

haha! Typical male. My husband has stolen my hairdryer to use on a few of his car jobs (heating wires, drying small areas of paint, etc) and finally I convinced him to go buy a heat gun... problem solved!

Sheryl said...

Ahhhhh---so that's why you needed a new hairdryer!

Emilee said...

we have a hairdryer from way back when that my brothers still use to this day to heat up their boxers in the morning. it's insane.

Tina P. said...

see... i would have just re-borrowed the carpet thing.... and sucked it up cause you can do a day later ....right?

Anonymous said...

If you wanna hear another really great blow dryer story, check out Penn Jillette's January 3, 2007 podcast. It's pretty funny, and thankfully Jerry hasn't gone to this extreme...yet...

Laura

Randall said...

Oh goodness... well, at least there is no longer the possibility of fish enjoying your carpet!

Mike said...

Hand raised..."Hairdryers are for drying hair."...and thawing out the frozen garden hose.

Hannah said...

Um..I use mine to keep warm. I know that's what blankets are for but sometimes blankets just won't due. As a matter of fact I have it pointing down at my feet right now.

What? It's chilly!