Dear Martha Stewart,
What do you do when you have eight people RSVP that they will attend a party you're throwing and two (one-third of the expected guests), don't show up at the last minute and never call to cancel?
What do you do when your other guests are sitting around waiting for these two people to show up, the table is set, the water pitcher is about to leave permanent condensation rings, the refrigerated lemon bars are wilting, the homemade whipcream is deflating and the candle wax is piling up by the minute?
For argument's sake, lets say you went out of your way to purchase extra table linens to accommodate these guests. Lets say you spent an entire week taking time to plan this party. To haul two extra chairs down two flights of stairs for these guests. To empty out a closet to get to the giant box with the leaf for the dining room table that otherwise would not have been needed if those two had just declined to come in the first place. To tire out your already exhausted pregnant body and make enough food to serve eight.
That's two more placemats, two more chargers, two more plates, two more champagne glasses, two more water glasses, four more forks, two more knives and spoons, two more sorbet dishes, two more napkins and two more napkin rings that you wouldn't have had to set out. And wash by hand. And put away. And get angry at the sight of them.
Not to mention the two extra chairs and the table leaf again. Not to mention that you could've had an intimate table for six instead of a weird table for eight with two empty seats. Not to mention that you could've made two desserts instead of three. You know, saved money on the ingredients, saved the time making them, saved gas and energy and the entire planet from global warming not having to bake that extra dessert for your fabulous dessert party. That two people didn't show up for. TWO.
And what do you do when the entire event was one of the no-show's ideas? It was HER suggestion. SHE wanted you to throw the party. SHE hinted that it was your responsibility.
Do you take a salad fork and poke a tong into the beds of their fingernails? Or use a butter knife to carve out their corneas? Or maybe use the silver platter to slam them on the back of the skull?
I wouldn't want to break etiquette here, so any advice would be greatly appreciated.
The hostess with the mostess (anger),