Monday, April 30, 2007

Dear Martha Stewart,

What do you do when you have eight people RSVP that they will attend a party you're throwing and two (one-third of the expected guests), don't show up at the last minute and never call to cancel?

What do you do when your other guests are sitting around waiting for these two people to show up, the table is set, the water pitcher is about to leave permanent condensation rings, the refrigerated lemon bars are wilting, the homemade whipcream is deflating and the candle wax is piling up by the minute?

For argument's sake, lets say you went out of your way to purchase extra table linens to accommodate these guests. Lets say you spent an entire week taking time to plan this party. To haul two extra chairs down two flights of stairs for these guests. To empty out a closet to get to the giant box with the leaf for the dining room table that otherwise would not have been needed if those two had just declined to come in the first place. To tire out your already exhausted pregnant body and make enough food to serve eight.

That's two more placemats, two more chargers, two more plates, two more champagne glasses, two more water glasses, four more forks, two more knives and spoons, two more sorbet dishes, two more napkins and two more napkin rings that you wouldn't have had to set out. And wash by hand. And put away. And get angry at the sight of them.

Not to mention the two extra chairs and the table leaf again. Not to mention that you could've had an intimate table for six instead of a weird table for eight with two empty seats. Not to mention that you could've made two desserts instead of three. You know, saved money on the ingredients, saved the time making them, saved gas and energy and the entire planet from global warming not having to bake that extra dessert for your fabulous dessert party. That two people didn't show up for. TWO.

And what do you do when the entire event was one of the no-show's ideas? It was HER suggestion. SHE wanted you to throw the party. SHE hinted that it was your responsibility.

Do you take a salad fork and poke a tong into the beds of their fingernails? Or use a butter knife to carve out their corneas? Or maybe use the silver platter to slam them on the back of the skull?

I wouldn't want to break etiquette here, so any advice would be greatly appreciated.

The hostess with the mostess (anger),
Kelly

28 comments:

oneka said...

I'd like to know what Martha Steward would reply to this... It's almost as if they had no intention on showing up in the first place. Definitely very inconsidered and unfair to the host (YOU).

I hope you let them know how disappointed you're with them.

Jennifer said...

aw that sucks. Although I'd be pretty upset too I have to admit, I think I see some of your pregnancy hormones shining through too.

I do hope that you let it known (to them) that you were upset that they didn't show. Its just plain rude that they couldn't have let you know ahead of time.

Kimber Rae said...

Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, bothers me more than "no shows." I understand things come up...I understand not being able to make it at the last minute, but I DO NOT understand not calling. Even if its only a couple of hours beforehand, at least it would have given you the opportunity to take the empty chairs and plates away...maybe even cut one of the desserts.

Dinner parties take a lot of work, time, and thought. You think about each individual person...what kind of place setting they would enjoy...where they will sit...what will be served...having someone just not show up is such a slap in the face to all the hard work, thoughtfulness, and effort you put in to show them a lovely evening.

What I would do, is find out what kept them. Hopefully (and most likely) nothing bad happened. Then I would gently tell them that a call would have been appreciated.

Tiffany said...

Ugh! I'm so sorry Kelly, that really sucks. Can you call them and ask what happened? I'd (tactfully) let them know that a phone call would have been appreciated. Geeze.

Anonymous said...

I would have been on that phone screaming at them "Where in the hell are you?Get your sorry asses over here RIGHT NOW!!!!!!" Being pregnant...you could've gotten away with it. :) I can't believe that person who's idea it was to even have the party didint show.The nerve....to not even call. Did she think "Oh kelly wont notice...since there will be 7 OTHER people there." Ugh..inconsiderate people make me ill.Aprilshowers4175

Tracibobaci said...

I think sending the lovely couple a link to your blog should suffice.

gora_kagaz said...

i absolutely hate when that happens. i feel your pain. just concentrate on the good time you had with the people who did show up =]

Lioncloud said...

If you make whipped cream ahead of time, store it in the fridge in a sieve placed over a bowl. The cream will stay whipped because any melting/condensation will drip through the sieve into the bowl. You can keep whipped creme for at least 2 hours that way.

Lioncloud said...

Oh, and don't ever, ever invite the rude people over again!!!!!

Melinda Hale said...

How about casually telling the no-shows that they were featured in your blog? People love to see themselves written about, and in this case they would get an eyeful...

And eat the extra dessert yourself. : ) Baby could use it, right?

Pauline said...

I hate, hate, hate no-shows. It takes 10 seconds to call and say you can't come. Do they not have 10 seconds? Right, sure. I can't decide if it would make them feel worse if you let them know you were disappointed... Or just didn't say anything. Nothing. But had that look.

sarahhh said...

man. i'm such a puss that i'd not say anything even though i totally think they should be zapped by lightening. i'd call it even if they did. haha.

at least you had a fabulous event planned. good job!

oh btw, i want to barf on people who dictate responsibilities onto others.

Ray said...

Wow, this is the most pissed I've ever seen (read) you. So I won't say much but to say that, "Don't even bother with those two women." Forget em' and keep it moving. Also Martha Stewart ain't got nothing on you! ;o)

Take care, Kelly.

Janice said...

I can't believe that. It's really horrible that they did that... That has happened to me, a year ago at my graduation party. It really sucks having so much food and having taken the time to do everything. I'd be really disappointed.

Anonymous said...

I do hope your no-shows don't read your blog... lol.

That sucks. :-(

Anonymous said...

I wrote it because I don't care if they do.

Anonymous said...

I think that you should invite both of the no shows over for some yummy exlax brownies. It would serve them right.

Randall said...

How rude... I'm sorry this happened. Divide out the costs for the extra two guests and invoice them :o)

Maria said...

Wow.
That's all I can say.

Kriston said...

Don't they know not to do that to a pregnant woman? Sorry that happened to you. Now, send them that entry and also one about what a fabulous time they missed. THEN...don't invite them next time.

Kay said...

Let's pillage their villages and eat their babies!!!

Lewis said...

" aw that sucks. Although I'd be pretty upset too I have to admit, I think I see some of your pregnancy hormones shining through too.

I do hope that you let it known (to them) that you were upset that they didn't show. Its just plain rude that they couldn't have let you know ahead of time."

This.

Anonymous said...

Unless they got into an accident on the way to your house? Unforgiveable.

Sarah said...

a phone call is definitely in order. i would call them to make sure nothing tragic kept them from your event and then tell them that a phone call to alert you to their absence before the party would have saved you a lot of time and expense and would they please keep that in mind for the future!

that should make them feel like the miserable b-holes they are!

Wendy said...

I love when "friends" are so considerate. I don't know what you do. I would probably avoid them, though not go to extremes, and then the next time I see them, I would say, "I missed you last weekend. It would have been nice if you had called." When will people learn manners?!? They didn't even have to give a reason. They could have just said, "Kelly, we can't make it. Something has come up." Who cares if what came up was a desire to sit on the sofa and watch TV? Well, that would be a stupid reason to skip. But, no reason is necessary...just the acknowledgment that they will not attend so that you can get the party started. I am so sorry you evening turned out different than expected.

Anonymous said...

It's funny that you wrote about this subject. I recently went to a baby shower that my friend hosted. 10 people rsvpd and only 8 showed up. Just like you, we sat there waiting and waiting. It was embarassing, and I felt very uncomfortable. Why are some people so rude and incondsiderate?

Joe said...

I feel soooooo sorry for you... Altough, I must admit that the ending kind of scared me... I feel your pain. Not many people do RSVP anymore. They often just push the invitation to the side and forget that they ever even got it. I hope you feel better.
~Joe

future dinner guest plainsman said...

assuming there was no car wreck, heart attack, crime of passion or alien abduction (check your paper's headlines!) I would simply cross then off your list and not waste even the anger, they are not worth the effort.

Next time, invite more worthy guests. Perhaps two of us who visit your site regularly and can be counted upon! Maybe a lottery!