Tuesday, April 3, 2007

My little lightning bug

When the nurse ordered an immediate ultrasound after I told her about my sudden loss of pregnancy symptoms, flashbacks of all of my previous experiences cluttered my mind.

I had four of them last time: the first that detected no heartbeat, the second on a higher-resolution machine that also detected no heartbeat, the third a week later that showed no fetal growth, and the fourth in the emergency room after my surgery looking for blood clots.

Somehow I managed to put one foot in front of the other and walk into the same room with the higher-resolution equipment and hope that history didn't repeat itself.

The doctor seemed frustrated that she had to leave another patient to tend to me, but kindly mentioned that she understood after having a miscarriage of her own.

I hadn't realized I was holding my breath until she announced there was a heartbeat. I literally shot up on the examination table and she had to tell me to lay back down and be still. She had explained that she would gather the data she needed then turn the monitor to show me, but those few minutes seemed like days. Meanwhile, Jerry was getting a good look over her shoulder, and even in the darkness, he couldn't hide his joy.

When she turned the monitor, it feels strange to say, but I immediately felt connected to that little bean. And although I hate the reason behind it, it was amazing to see our embryo in that much detail. Most expectant mothers never get to experience anything like that during their entire pregnancy, let alone in the first few weeks.

The equipment was 4-D and the doctor swiveled all around the embryo, showing every curve and bump from the side, around its back and up the other side. Although it only slightly resembles a human form at eight weeks, she pointed out every feature as she went, explaining exactly what we were looking at.

The heartbeat was amazing. It reminded me a lot of a lightning bug. Only instead of glowing uniformly, it glowed in waves from the chest to the head, thumping wildly and coursing through its tiny body.

The head was easily the same size as the rest of its body and had dark indentations where the eyes will be. There were no appendages yet, but little emerging bumps indicated where the arms are starting to form.

The spine was a narrow ridge that hadn't flattened out into any sort of a back yet. It was the thinnest part of the body, then it widened out tremendously to support a bulging chest cavity and head.

We even saw the placenta and umbilical cord and she examined my ovaries which gave enough detail for her to determine that the egg came from the right one. Then she made a joke that our baby would grow up to be a Republican, and Jerry said, "Well it can just stay in there, then."

I didn't want it to end. I could've stared at that screen all afternoon. Fortunately, she printed out a few pictures for us to take home that now have a prominent place on the front of our fridge.

My regular eight-week exam was yesterday. And although I didn't get the good equipment this time, I know I won't ever tire of seeing that little neon green light swoosh around on the computer monitor. No matter how blurry.

And I don't think I'll ever look at lightning bugs in the same way ever again.

P1012650_3
Baby, meet the Internet. Internet, meet our baby.
(And somewhere, 20+ years from now, a shrink is listening.)

49 comments:

Anonymous said...

www.myspace.com/erinn37 says...

Congrats again!! I am so happy for you and Jerry. I am thinking you should nickname the baby Lightn' Bug!

Randall said...

Nice to meet you too baby!

Anonymous said...

You call them lightning bugs? I thought people from up north called them fireflies. Lightning bug is so much cooler. I'm so excited for you. I remember my parents bringing home ultrasound pictures of my younger siblings. It was so amazing to see the little persons growing inside my mom.

mercurial scribe said...

Hi Baby! :-D

i don't know how long i could keep it to myself when i get pregnant. But i'm super-stealth, so, you know, we should be fine. ;-)

Leah said...

I am so happy for your guys!

Tiffany said...

That's amazing Kelly... :-)

jsi said...

The 4-D equipment is so spectacular. And though meant for scientific purposes and medical surveillance, it is also meant for calming the nerves of someone having encountered exactly what you have.
What a precious little someone to wait for.
Like a jar fuilled with ligthning bugs - what a visual, memorable metaphor

Rachel said...

and the internet is please to meet baby! you have really got to stop with these entries... every morning i sit at my desk wiping away tears. happy ones though.

Pauline said...

Hello Baby Lightning Bug! Welcome to the wacky, wonderful world of the net.
All I can say really after that post is... YAY!

leogirl827 said...

This is a total awww moment...so awwwwwwwww :-) I'm so happy for you guys!!

Maria said...

Hello Bean!

Sarah said...

This post, along with the sad music I'm listening to, almost made me cry.

I can tell you're excited beyond belief, and I'm so happy for you! I can't wait to see the little guy (or girl).

Timberly said...

Hi, baby! Can't wait to see you in the flesh.

allison said...

that picture is absolutely amazing!

the Happy 4U Plainsman said...

The equipment may have been 4-D that time, but your style of writing, Kelly, is always 4-D to us; somhow conveying your and Jerry's feelings so that we, the readers virtually share the experience. (But without the tax deduction!)

"...baby would grow up to be a Republican!" Console Jerry and tell him since the Democrats will have reversed global warming all too effectively by then, causing global cooling, we will need Republicans again!

Uh, maybe not pick a nickname like litnin' bug, though, which kids will shorten to "bug"...the little one already will have enough "splaining to do" being a Republican and all! LOL

Julie said...

Hi little one!!! So good to meet you! You've been prayed for far and wide, my little friend.

gorakagaz said...

hi baby!

aisha said...

awwww. hi baby!

Chelsea said...

Hi babyy! I can't imagine how that must feel to just see your baby as a little bean!

Tiffany said...

Awww nice to meet the little lightning bug! Congrats again Kelly, you have no idea how incredibly happy I am for you and Jerry!

Janice said...

I am pleased to meet you, Baby! :) That is really, truly amazing. Congratulations again. I didn't stop smiling through the entire entry. I am so happy for you!

ajandmac said...

oh my gosh! i am so stinkin excited for you!

congratulations! and man...way to seriously be so excited! i am so happy for you! i don't even know you, but i am more than excited for you buddy! enjoy every moment!

meghan said...

YAYAYAYAYAY!!!! (again)

I'm so freaking excited that you're pregnant. Thanks so much for the photos o fthe ultrasound, you made me smile!

natalie said...

I'm so happy you posted the picture...I was hoping you would! I am so happy for you + Jerry!!!
Here's my prediction (I'm usually pretty good): a boy, born on 11/07/07, 8:35am, 6lbs 11oz and 20" long.

Naomi said...

This is so wonderful--it makes even my queasy stomach think I'd be up for a try at the baby business!

Love Jerry's Republican quip. If we ever have a son, we're counting on Murphy to turn him into a football playing Republican Baptist preacher. :)

Heidi said...

Oh my goodness - that's incredible to see. Especially since that is what my baby looks like right about now, too.

Christine said...

Hi, Kelly! I have been reading your blog for a while now. Congratulations to you and your husband! I am so happy for you both. I will be praying for you. I hope that in a few months I can feel the same joy too!

Tanya said...

Congratulations Kelly! I think s/he looks just like Jerry :) Look at those cute little arm nubs!

Jenny said...

Oh my god!I leave for a few weeks (or so) and now you're pregnant again!!!! Ah!!!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Lewis said...

Baby, the internet is too small for a joy like you.

Kylie said...

Congratulations!

Wendy said...

Congrats! It's nice to meet baby! I've been MIA, and I've missed all the excitment. At least I am here now.

miaaa said...

i think it has your eyes =] hahaha jk! congrats!

Anonymous said...

Here are possible baby names about light or fireflies:

Hotaru-- Japanese name meaning lightning bug, firefly

Jowaki--Indian name meaning a firefly

Allison light of the sun

Ellie light, mercy, variant of Eleanor

Eily Irish Light F

Elaina French Shining light. Variant of Helen. F

Elayna French Shining light. Variant of Helen. F

Eleena Spanish Shining light. Variant of Helen. F

Elena Spanish Shining light. Variant of Helen. F

Elena Italian Light F

Eleonore French Shining light. Variant of Helen. F

Eleora Hebrew God is light F

Elina Spanish Shining light. Variant of Helen. F

Eliora Hebrew God is light F

Diane said...

That is SO amazing. I'm going to be saying congratulations and tearing up for the next 7-8 months. :-)

Anonymous said...

:-)))))))).....hey baby!!!!!!!!!
-sreenitha

Molly said...

With such cool parents, your child is going to be the coolest kid ever.

Amy said...

yay well then I guess it's probably fair to say...
hello future blogger :P
xxx

Anonymous said...

So, have we picked out baby names yet?

=]

Ray said...

What a big coincidence that you used the 4D ultrasound, I wondered if you would be able to see it like that. I know it must have been so exciting and, much better to see your baby through the 4D machine, rather than just through your computer screen.

Take care, Kelly.

P.S. Thanks for the pic of the ultrasound. =P

http://www.xanga.com/MarILYnMoNRoE4u2nv

Big Gisela said...

i see little gisela......................... :-D

Leslie said...

Hello there baby! So nice to meet you!

Anonymous said...

congratulations kelly! that was such a sweet story.

shima

Kristen said...

hi baby!

(i don't even like kids, but those pictures are amazing!)

Amy said...

That is the most amazing thing. I am so incredibly excited for you and Jerry. Best of luck in everything to come!

Nutkin's Ho said...

Awww!!

This is what happens when I miss a week or so of your blogging--something life changing!

Congratulations, and best of luck! :) The embryo's familiar looking, since I did an entire course just on embryology.

Whoo-hoo!!!!!!

*hugs*
Nutkin (fr. xanga all along...)

sandra said...

How exciting! Congrats! OOO! I can't wait to see belly pics! And all the ice you want-GUILT FREE! That's the best part! Well, aside from knowing that you hold and create human life inside of you. :)

Adrianna will be 9 months on the 17th. And I started reading your xanga even before I got married. Though, I must admit I'm not to great about remembering to come over here to read each day. I'll get better!

Kimberly said...

Congratulations. I couldn't be happier for you.

mommydoodle said...

I am so happy for you and Jerry and your little one! All of you are in my prayers!