Sunday, April 1, 2007

This week's newspaper column

Ever since I saw that little plus sign on the pregnancy test, I've been wondering how I would tell people. Or, rather, when I would feel comfortable telling people.

There's nothing like a previous miscarriage to put things into perspective. Even though our little embryo is developing rapidly every second of every day, I know it's fragile. That life can be taken away with as little explanation as, "It just wasn't right."

The months after my surgery were difficult. My body healed much more quickly than my heart, but eventually, my husband, Jerry, and I were ready to entertain the idea of children again.

Although we wouldn't admit aloud that we were trying, it became difficult just seeing other new parents -- especially the ones screaming at their toddlers in front of us at the grocery store. I wanted to pull them aside and whisper, "Be grateful."

I guess it just didn't seem fair. I don't smoke. I don't drink. I exercise. I eat right. And yet, in the end, none of it mattered.

So this time around, I was much more cautious and guarded. We didn't tell anyone right away, except for our parents, and we swore them to secrecy.

As much as a part of me wanted to climb on the roof of my house and shout the news to anyone who could hear, another part of me remembered the pain of losing our first pregnancy, and it forced me to keep my feelings in check. I tried not to get too attached to something I knew I had little control over.

But, oh, I got attached. We both did. Within a few short weeks, we had names picked out, mentally decorated the nursery and even started imagining what our little bundle might look like.

Reality set in again when I got sick and my pregnancy symptoms started to wane.

Sure, I was grateful that the scent of Jerry's daily tuna sandwich didn't send me running for fresh air, but a sudden loss of symptoms was what tipped us off to trouble last time.

My heart broke. I couldn't concentrate on anything until our appointment a few days later.

When a familiar nurse greeted us with a hearty "Congratulations!" it took everything not to burst into tears. I told her about my suspicions, and, because of my history, she immediately ordered an ultrasound.

Jerry accompanied me into the exam room, and a doctor there explained matter-of-factly that she would be checking the "viability of the fetus."

With little fanfare, she announced there was a heartbeat, but I had enough enthusiasm for everyone in the entire building as I screamed out with joy.

When she turned the monitor to show me our blinking blob and pointed out the head, eyes and arm buds, an inexplicable range of emotion washed over me.

I know it's still early. I know we have months and months to go, but my faith has been renewed.

I have three odd-looking ultrasound photos to prove it.

I'm pregnant. And now I can say it loud and proud.

63 comments:

Anonymous said...

I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooo happy for you!

Anonymous said...

I was holding my breath the entire time I read that, and I am so, so happy for you!

Tiffany said...

I knew it!!! Ahhhh!! So excited for you BOTH. I know we've said it time and time again, but you will be amazing parents, and your little peanut is very lucky to have you. Wishing you a happy and healthy 9 months Kelly :-D

Andrea said...

Wish I was there to give you a great big hug right now! Congratulations to you and Jerry!

uncle plainsman said...

GREAT NEWS!

:-) :-) :-)!!!!!

All of us here in blogland are thrilled to hear the news!!!!!!

Of course, the little one, when going through a box of your blog printouts found in the attic about ten years from now, is going to ask: "Mom, why did you choose to announce my impending arrival on April Fool's Day?"

HeHee, I want to read about that one!!!

Happy for both, no all, of you.

Anonymous said...

YAY!!!
I know you're going to be a great mom!

Fiona said...

I knew it!!! I'm sooo happy for you guys!! Now of COURSE you're going to have to tell us when you found out, how far along you are, etc. I'm due 10/30/07 w/my first; when're you due??

Alana said...

That's so wonderful!!!!!!! I'm soooo happy for you both, CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BensonsMom said...

Congratulations!! I was wondering if you were really 'sick'. I was so happy for you when I read that headline yesterday.

Rachel said...

kelly! your entry brought me to tears! i'm so excited for you both!! you are going to be such a great mom! yay! CONGRATS! <3

~rita ... thatsmypoint@xanga.com said...

I have tears in my eyes and joy in my heart for you. I have been waiting for this day as if you and Jerry were my best friends. I look forward to reading about your experiences, and I know your baby will be so fortunate to have the two of you for parents.

Warm congratulations!

Courtney G said...

Oh my God, I want to start crying, that is such great news!!!

Uh-oh, Toby won't be an only child anymore!

Anonymous said...

Kelly,

I've been a reader of your blog for over a year now. My heart caved in when you shared the news of your miscarriage with us, and i can say is that you're a very special person to find the courage to dust yourself off and try again. I'm so happy for you that i have tears in my eyes as i write this.

CONGRATULATIONS. You're going to be an amazing mother. I wish i was there to give you a hug!!

Anonymous said...

with your strength of character, benevolence, and fierce desire for this child, you are going to be one hell of a mother to your little blob.

we're cheering for you, kelly!

aisha said...

congratulations!!!!!

Marsha said...

I suspected it for a couple of weeks!!
Mama's intuition, I suppose.
I am SO excited and happy for you , and I think you two will be wonderful parents. Welcome to the journey!

Ashley said...

congratulations!!

Heidi said...

Congratulations! I'm sure the child will not be able to imagine more loving and caring parents:-)

leogirl827 said...

Even though I don't know you but I had a feeling that you were pregnant!!! Congratulations!! I'm so happy for both of you. You guys are going to be wonderful parents.

Pauline said...

Oh, I am beyond happy for you two. I know you guys are going to make the best parents. And yes, call me a sap, but I started crying at the end of this post. Yay baby!

Anonymous said...

CONGRATULATIONS!!! I am so excited for you, and I will be praying for your growing family.

Corbow said...

Wonderful! And I really hope it isn't an April Fool's Joke (after the pain you went through, I can't imagine you'd joke about such a thing).

gorakagaz said...

congratulations! hoping for a safe and happy pregnancy for you :]

Karrie said...

You two will make great parents. Congratulations!

Anonymous said...

This brought tears to my eyes. I gotta share something with you. You are sooo right about the parents yelling at their kids in the store thing. That has happened to me before I'm ashamed to admit. But I look my daughter in the eyes and apologized and kissed and hugged her and told her how much I love her. I know that doesn't excuse my stressed out ranting, but I thought of your posts in the past about this, and it made me stop and think. No need to whisper in my ear anymore...I heard you loud and clear via the internet. Thanks.

spencerella said...

Congratulations!! I'm so excited for you!!

Anonymous said...

Congratulations! That is so wonderful! Prayers for you both and the baby will be coming your way!

Leslie said...

Wooooo!!! Congratulations! I'm so happy for you both. I too was wondering when it was going to happen and was slightly suspicious.

Cece said...

Im so happy for the both of you.
You and Jerry will make awesome parents.
Again Congrats
Hugs & kisses

Chelsea said...

Congrats!! I'm so happy for you! You both will make such great parents, and Toby will be an awesome brother ;)

Anna said...

So many congratulations to both of you! The adventure begins...

Anonymous said...

I soooo knew it...i'm just sayin...

Bettina said...

Oh my god, that's so exciting!!!! ...but I kind of suspected it;o) I'm so happy for you and Jerry and I know you two will be amazing parents.

Anonymous said...

I had wondered if you might be pregnant! Congratulations!

grace said...

congrats kelly!! i don't even know you personally, but just from reading your journal it feels like i do. i can't wait to read your entries with your journey on motherhood!

Diane said...

Oh Kelly!!! I'm SOOOOO happy for you! I am baby crazy right now and JUST yesterday I was looking at your Xanga site to read your happy post from last time. I wondered when I would read another happy post, and here it is! Congratulations.

Catriona said...

Congratulations! I think we all had hopes it would be this wonderful piece of news! Keep us updated and be sure to let us see those pictures as they come

april said...

Congratulations, Kelly!

You and Jerry will be the coolest parents ever!

Miriam said...

Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Congratulations!!! I am so excited for you and Jerry.

-Miriam

Anonymous said...

How do you think Toby is going to handle the new addition to the family?
=]

Molly said...

I knew it!! I'll keep all your bad thoughts, and give you all my good thoughts, and that should work.

Now, how do you break the news to Toby?

Julie said...

I knew it!!! Oh, Kell, I am so happy for you. I started crying at the end of that and Mat asked me what happened. "Kelly's pregnant," I reply. "Who's Kelly?" he says. "This girl on the internet I've never met!"

Never met, but you're still near to my heart.

I'm so happy for you and Jerry. Congrats just doesn't say enough.

Kristen said...

CONGRATS! i'm so happy for you two...you both deserve it.

Maria said...

AHH! I knew it!! This is just so wonderful, congradulations!

Emilee said...

Congratulations! I can't wait to read all about your new journey in the upcoming months! I'm so happy for you!

Amy said...

You deserve so much after what
you've been through I hope it
goes really well.

You'll be an amazing mother :)

Anonymous said...

yuhooooo.....thats so great news!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so when is the due date??????????
do take good care of urself(i know it must be nth time somebody is saying to u...)have good food(though healthy n good doesnt go hand in hand....)drink lots of water and dont tire urself......

all the advice courtesy to others who keep saying this to me for the past few days....yes,even i am carrying a small life within...:-)
-sreenitha

Angela....its_just_ang@xanga.com said...

Yippee!!! You guys deserve it! You'll have to set up a P.O. Box or something so that we may all shower you with gifts via the mail. I guess that can be all us readers' way of giving you a baby shower! Just minus the cake and pastel mint thingies. Stay strong!

Anonymous said...

I can't tell you how happy I am for you! I knew it, I had a gut feeling from your other post and lack there of - I was holding my breath just hoping you were! I am so happy for both of you!

Beth said...

Let me add my voice to the chorus of "I knew it"s.

But I did. And I'm so glad to be right, because I certainly know what this baby means to you, what it means when you find your lost hope.

What a beautiful child this will be, and how lucky and happy.

I am so happy for you.

Remember the crystal? Rainbows are not only angel kisses...they are God's promise that it will not happen again. You will hold this child in your arms, the same as you hold your first one in your heart.

tossedrice said...

congratulations kelly and jerry!! best wishes for the up and coming months.

Ray said...

OMYGOODNESS! As I was reading this I became confused because you were talking about the past & the present as well. But now that you've written it clearly, "CONGRATULATIONS KELLY & JERRY OF COURSE!" You will be in my prayers at night for the health and arrival of this baby growing inside of you.

Take care, I'm VERY HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!!!!=)

*I would ask to see pictures of the ultrasound but I know that's very personal.*

Ray said...

P.S. I had a feeling that what was troubling you had something to do with a baby. I'm glad that it's good news though!

Sarah said...

i totally knew it to!! I dont know how but I just KNEW it!! COngrats!!!!

Melinda Hale said...

You can't really believe we in the e-world didn't guess that already... I mean, come on.

I'm thrilled! My heart goes out to you - post where you are registered when it comes time for a baby shower!

Melinda

Anonymous said...

I suspected it was what you couldn't talk about. Congratulations, Kelly. I'm so happy for you guys.
~Wissh

meghan said...

YAY!!!! Congratulations!!

mercurial scribe said...

Love, prayers and MAZEL TOV to you and Jerry!!!!

Allison said...

oh my gosh!! congratulations!! i am so happy for you guys!!!!

Heidi said...

Yay!!! Oh my gosh - this post totally almost got me crying. The other day, I thought I had a loss of symptoms, too. But, they are still here. And as much as I hate the nausea, I'm thankful for it at the same time. We have a love-hate relationship.

Thanks SOOOO MUCH for leaving your comment on my blog!!! Ever since I found out I was pregnant, I have thought about you so much! And I am so thrilled to be pregnant alongside you.

We are due only 1 week apart!!! I am due November 17th!

I can't wait to go on this journey with you!!!!

Becca said...

WOW. I knew it! It was a thought from earlier when you were talking about trash TV, but not talking about trash TV. WTG ... I am happy for the both of you! CONGRATS!

dessielee said...

That is such fantastic news. Congrats to the both of you! My prayers are with you. How great!!

Lil said...

Although I don't know you, and rarely comment, I read you every day. Tears actually came to my eyes reading your's and Jerry's news. Congratulations...I'm sending you happy thoughts from Tennessee.