Saturday, May 19, 2007

Boy or girl?

Today I am 15 weeks along, feeling absolutely wonderful and overly excited about my second trimester. In exactly one month, we have an ultrasound appointment scheduled with hopes of finding out whether we're having a boy or a girl. And the anticipation is indescribable.

I waiver on which I would prefer, or as Jerry puts it, "If I could go to a baby store and pick one off the shelf ..."

I've heard people say that a woman's intuition is usually pretty accurate in determining gender, but I honestly don't have a strong sense either way. My dreams are the most vivid they've ever been in my entire life and I often dream about babies -- rescuing one out of a car trunk, finding one in the grass while on a walk with Toby or even adopting -- but it never has a gender. The only ongoing similarities are that it's big and healthy and only wearing a diaper.

I guess this indicates that I'd be more than content either way.

I can easily picture having boy. Forming his hair into a tiny baby mohawk and teaching him to be strong and use his head and open his heart to love beyond reason. Someone to help hang the Christmas lights and bake cookies with on weekends. To grow up to do and be what he wants with our gentle guidance.

On the other hand, I can easily picture having a girl. Forming her hair into a tiny baby mohawk and teaching her to be strong and use her head and open her heart to love beyond reason. Someone to help hang the Christmas lights and bake cookies with on weekends. To grow up to do and be what she wants with our gentle guidance.

And maybe that's why I don't care either way. I don't see life being too different just because of gender. Sure, after general socialization, a girl might gravitate more toward Dora dolls while a boy might identify more with Jimmy Neutron, but I really hope I can be the kind of parent who teaches a boy how to sew on a button and teaches a girl how to change a tire.

Yes, I would like to have a relationship with a daughter like the one I have with my mother. Someone to talk with, swap recipes with, share decorating ideas with and go marathon shopping with. I would love to have little pink dresses around and hair ties and shiny flower fingernail stickers. I think I would have a lot of advice and life lessons to share with a girl.

I would also like to have a relationship like the one Jerry has with his mother. Someone to talk with, to help lift things she can no longer manage, to shovel snow or volunteer to put together her patio furniture. I would love to have another football fan in the house (although he better like the Steelers or Daddy's heart will break).

All that said, I know we will treat a boy or girl differently no matter how hard we fight against it. According to some of the literature I've read, it happens in subtle ways like letting a boy cry a little bit longer or coddling a girl a little more. Not to mention that I already envision the nursery in the traditional pink or blue.

But if our son wants to learn how to sew? I'll pull out my machine. If our daughter wants a skateboard? We'll get her one.

I'm not sure why I want to know our child's sex so badly. Probably because it's the one thing we have the opportunity to find out. I'll have to wait to see what color eyes they'll have, whether their hair will be curly or straight, what type of disposition they'll have.

I guess that's why children are called one of life's greatest gifts: There are so many surprises.


ajandmac said...

oh man.

that is such an amazing, suspense-filled, position to be in. thanks for sharing these moments with us. you don't have to, and yet these moments bring so much joy and so much to relate to all across the world. thank you.

the mowing can wait plainsman said...

Kelly, just thought I'd check again for the Sat. post before I get some work done. What a beautifully written column -- with the right mix of wonder, humor and yes, wisdom. Wow.

gora_kagaz said...

beautifully written. my mom didn't find out the sex with any of her kids because she wanted even that to be a surprise.

Sarah said...

When I was younger, I used to always think I would want a daughter when I eventually had kids. Then I started thinking I'd rather have a boy. Now I realize that it doesn't matter either way, because I know that when I'm ready, either will make me immeasurably happy.

I already have names picked out for both, and it's funny because I've never even had sex. :P It doesn't hurt to be prepared, though.

Meg said...

I heard if the tummy is lower, it's a girl; If the tummy is higher, then it's a boy.

-Shrugs- thought I'd share that little piece of info.

Janice said...

That was beautiful. I guess it's something I would worry about too, though I haven't really given it too much thought, especially the parts about the boys helping with patio furniture.

Anonymous said...

I attended a wedding today in which one of the bridesmaids was pretty far along in her pregnancy, and, in all honesty, she was the cutest bridemaid in the party. I think everyone will be delighted in seeing you in your dress.

Oh, and isn't all that hassling you're recieving worth having a little one everyone will rave over in just a few months. I personally would take a few "Hey, you look like an orca!!" like comments for a few "OH MY GOD!! That's the cutest baby I've ever seen!!" like comments.


Anonymous said...

Your posts have been full of wonder and happiness at impending motherhood, it's such a joy to read you. Mine, alas, are older, and I am very glad you don't read my blog.

Kay said...

Maybe it will be a hermaphrodite and then you won't have to worry at all :)

Ray said...

Beautiful writing. I think it's great that if you have a son, you'll teach him how to sew on a button. And if it's a girl you'll teach her how to put out a fire. I think it's great that whether it's a boy or a girl, you'll treat them both equally. Some people don't do that, and don't give their children many opportunities to learn and grow with, especially with, "Freedom rights" which is harder for girls to go through with their parents.

BUT, letting a boy cry a little bit longer? What book is that? I mean it's okay for boys to cry but you don't want a complete wuss either. I don't know.

And I think you're having a BOY =P as I've stated before. But if you had a girl that would so rock, "Little girls are precious too."

Take care, Kelly. ;o)

Ray said...


"BABY MOWHAWKS ROCK!" Especially on little boys. Seeing as though your husband is a DJ in a rock station, I'm assuming you're going to have a little "Rocker" baby (which is adorable) & you'll dress him as such. Well, will you? What is your dressing prefrence with a boy or a girl? I mean I know the baby isn't here yet but have you thought about it? Like what would you put on the baby & what wouldn't you in a million years, etc, etc...

For example: "Will baby rocker t-shirts with sarcastic sayings on them make headway to your baby boy's (if you have one) wardrobe?

Just a thought, I'm curious.

Take care.

Ray said...

P.S. I meant put on a tire, not, "put out a fire!" I don't know where I got that one!!Mwahahahahaha! ;o)

jsi said...

"The greatest gifts, always full of surprises" - yes and those surprises come from some of the more unusual places. I can understand men so much better because of the training camp my young boys have put me through. I don't want this to sound superior or condescending or ultra-feminist or demeaning. For the men in my life, I can just see the wheels in their minds working as if the cover on their head is transparent clear - their little boy-ness retained even though their body gave into the chronological "gotta-get-older" growth into adulthood.
I didn't have that access until I was a mother - I sorta had to try to understand. These little men in my life taught me more about my husband and our collegues and all - and they never came with a calling card or nuttin'.
My girls have shown me the depth of creativity and awesome feeling, curiousity and awareness - a joi de vivre that adults try to hide, or pretend that isn't there.
These little people in our lives are the lesson bringers, the deep-heart teachers, the insight-bringer-outers - your life will never be the same.
And it is obvoius that no matter who is laying in that crib, fully satisfied from a clean bath, diaper and feeding...will have a tenderly curled mohawk.
It won't be need to figure out if you want to know the gender.
After giving birth to four, 2 un-defined as boy or girl in utero, 2 defined as boy or girl in utero, I am both sides of the coin. Yet...
...I acknowledge that there are so few truly protected secrets offered us in life. Pregnancy provides one very protected opportunity to be wholly, unabashedly, predictably unpredictably surprised. Do you want to pass it up all in the name of preparation? Or do you want to purchase things in green or yellow or red or white and know that all you really want is 10 fingers, 10 toes and a healthy heart?

You have some time to figure it out, and the answer will resound in your heart as if spoken audibly. You will know, and no matter what anyone else says, you will definitely know what the answer is for the three of you.
It is such a precious time, especially when you can cause a dance line to form inside that uterus simply from having a sandwich and that young one just starts to dance and respond to you and what you are doing and eating and singing and...

Marina said...

As long as you guys are open-minded (which you are) and try your best (which you will), sex doesn't matter either way. You guys rock. :)