Sunday, June 10, 2007

Maybe I'll just stop ingesting liquid entirely

There are plenty of extremely embarrassing moments of mine that I've publicly drawn attention to on this site, but I never, never, EVER thought this would be among them.

I peed myself.

There. I said it. I peed myself.

I thought the unfortunate side effects of pregnancy would stop at the frequent urination, itchy stretching skin, difficulty sleeping, inability to feel full and general sense of lack of control over my own body.

But this week I experienced two new ones: acid reflux and the afore mentioned, um, pee thing.

As for the acid reflux, I thought I was going to die. Jerry and I had an early dinner one night this week so he could get to bed, but of course, I got hungry a few hours later. Not wanting to prepare any elaborate meal, I dug through the cabinets and found a bag of Ramen noodles.

It tasted good at the time, but not when it decided to pay another visit. It returned in the form of a horrible constant burning sensation at the back of my throat throughout the entire night with a distinct faux-chicken flavor. Ugh, it makes me gag just thinking about it.

I vowed to stay away from acidic foods a few hours before bed and hoped the situation would rectify itself.

The next night, I had a bowl of watermelon as an after dinner snack at work. By the time I got home, I could feel that same burning sensation at the back of my throat. Only instead of the chicken flavor, it was a little sweet.

I wasn't hungry in the slightest, nor do I know anything about treating acid reflux, but I didn't want to give my stomach any other liquids to toss back up at me. So instead of the milk that I so desperately wanted to quell the burning, I choked down a few dry crackers and tried to sleep.

Fortunately, it seemed to work. And I haven't had any problems since then, but I now have the utmost respect for people who have to deal with that on a regular basis.

The other issue happened yesterday. It was a gorgeous day, so Jerry and I decided to spend the afternoon swimming at my mother-in-law's house. When we got there, her car was parked out front, but the house was locked. We assumed she had carpooled with Jerry's sister to one of our nephew's little league games.

We walked down to the pool and got to work removing the cover. During the car ride over, I wished I had used the bathroom before we left, but it wasn't quite dire. As we revealed all that sparkling water, the situation increased in severity, but I held steady. In fact, I lasted long enough to skim all of the leaves and bugs out of the entire pool.

But as Jerry threw on his sneakers to go for a run, I expressed my need to use the bathroom. NOW.

We both have keys to the house, so I grabbed mine and we headed up together. I was practically sprinting.

Fortunately, the downstairs bathroom is immediately to the left of the front door. As soon as I unlocked the house, I scurried as fast as I could to the toilet.

But even though I was wearing elastic pants, it wasn't fast enough. My bladder was screaming. I was pumping my legs up and down, trying to pull down the few layers separating me from that toilet and I couldn't do it.

I honestly thought I was still holding steady until I felt a warm trickle run down my left leg.

"Oh, GOD!"

I did manage to get a little in the proper place, but I couldn't believe how little liquid I actually expelled. It had felt as if I was carrying around an entire milk jug full of urine in my abdomen, when, in reality, it was more like half a cup. If that.

But the relief felt incredible. Even if it did come with the realization that I was 29 years old and just peed myself.

I pushed the door open a crack and yelled to Jerry.

"JERRRR, I JUST FRIGGIN' PEED MYSELF!"

"What?"

"I JUST PEED MYSELF! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?"

He came to the door, laughing.

"I don't know what happened! I couldn't hold it even for another second. I have lost total control of my own body. This baby is taking over."

Silently, I said a little prayer of thanks that I had to work that night and had packed a clean change of clothes in addition to my bathing suit.

"I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M WASHING MY HANDS ... I SHOULD BE SCRUBBING MY LEG! GROSSSSS."

And after all our commotion, I heard a stirring upstairs. Oh, God. Jerry's mom was taking a nap. She wasn't at the baseball game after all. I had woken her up screaming to Jerry about pissing myself.

If I could've flushed my entire body down that toilet at that moment, I honestly would have considered it. Living in the sewers. Free to pee myself whenever duty called.

Fortunately for me, she didn't mention anything about what woke her. So either she didn't hear the details of my shouted pee revelation or she was kind enough not to call me out on it.

Either way, it makes acid reflux seem a little more tolerable somehow.

14 comments:

Randall said...

So maybe funny in hindsight but still awful to have happen! At least you have the pregnancy excuse, we may get worried if this happened in usual circumstances :o)

fiona said...

I get reflux quite a bit at night, too. My source of relief is Tums and it's ok for us pregnant ladies.
Fortunately, I have yet to wee myself. However the past couple of weeks, I have felt like my bladder is about to burst only to find that I have maybe four ounces of liquid in there when I use the restroom. Quite annoying, as this sends me to the bathroom several times a day for pretty much nothing. Plus, I thought the peeing issues would be over until the third trimester...=(

Chelsea said...

I'm sure your mother in law would've understood if she did hear you! Do babies pee when they're in you? Or do you get the awesome job of going for them too. I at least hope your swim went well!

Tiger Babble said...

I know this won't make you feel any better, but... I've done the same thing. At this point in the pregnancy, it's more times than I can count.

It's VERY hard to control it in the beginning. About half way through the 2nd trimester, it became easier. Now that I only have about 4 weeks left to go, it's back to no control again.

Hang in there! Just don't laugh or sneeze or "hold it" for too long for the next 5 months and you'll do fine!

Candi said...

Wow... embarassing. :-S

Ray said...

Don't worry we've all had our share of "cough, cough" accidents. ;o)PLUS, you're pregnant so you have an excuse!

Anyway, I think it's great that you're good enough friends with Jerry's mom that you actually have the keys to their house. That must feel good to have another home to go to.

Take care, Kelly.

Emilee said...

Haha, at least you have an excuse because you're pregnant. I peed myself in class last year during finals because we had a sub, and she wouldn't let me go to the restroom since she thought I was going to cheat or something, so I peed myself in class. What can I say? When you gotta go, you gotta go. =]

Janice said...

Well, at least it's because you're pregnant. Looking back it must be funny (or will be some day when you're punishing your child and telling them "I carried you around for nine months and even peed myself while doing it!") but I'm sure it was torture at the time. At least his mom didn't hear it.

Rachel said...

I completely understand about the peeing issues. I haven't wet myself, but sometimes I suddenly have to go right away. I think sometimes the baby kicks my bladder or sits on my bladder, which causes the urge to pee, even though there are only a couple drops in me!

At least you weren't in public...

Wendy said...

I have had on and off again troubles with acid reflux (I think it's sweet and sour mix in mixed drinks). Anyway, alka-selzer tablets work wonders (though I have no idea if they are baby-safe). I had a slightly similar experience today. We went hiking and I had to go so bad I was seeing spots. I had to squat and pee...it was very tramatic for me.

Gisela said...

L

O

FUCKING

L

!
!
!

Leah said...

I suffer daily with acid reflux. It's gone as far as losing my voice for 3 months straight!

I hate to see how bad it's going to be when I get pregnant!

Lioncloud said...

1) Mylanta. It's gross going down, but it kills the reflux annoyance. If it doesn't make you barf when you swallow it.

2) The baby is sitting on your bladder. Even if you don't really have to go, you will feel like you do. When you feel like you do, GO, even if the results are unsatisfying.

3) After the baby is born, you will _never_ feel as if you need to go, because the baby is not longer sitting on your bladder. This can be bad and result in more unpleasant surprises. When you see a bathroom, GO, just to be sure.

4) When you are toilet training the little one, you need to know the location of every bathroom in a 5 county area, so the pregnancy peeing thing can also be used as a time for data collection.

5) When you are old like me your muscle tone goes to shit and worrying about peeing yourself because a fact of life.

In summary, your carefree days of being able to sail by bathrooms without a care ARE OVER!!!!!!!!!

Glrr

aahcoffee said...

Lots and lots of tums.

And the peeing thing, yeah, it only gets worse.