Monday, June 18, 2007

The only woman in maternity pants there

If I had a dollar for each time someone asked me if I've seen the movie "Knocked Up" yet, I would be jet-setting to Hawaii right now for a month's vacation. Believe it or not, but that question is right up there with "How are you feeling?" "Do you know if it's a boy or a girl yet?" and "When are you due?"

To be honest, I didn't want to see the movie. I'm having a really hard time keeping both eyes open through genuine birthing scenes on the TV show "A Baby Story" without contorting my face into a mixture of sympathy and sheer horror. And forgive me for saying this, but babies don't come out looking all cute and cuddly. They're gross and red and wrinkly and covered in all sorts of nasty liquids I can only imagine smell a lot less than pleasant.

So the thought of sitting through an exaggerated birthing scene for comedy's sake made me cringe. I know it's going to hurt. I know I'll want to give up halfway through and simply raise this child in my own body. I'd be wheeled on a massive flatbed truck through their high school graduation ceremony with a cap on my grotesquely huge belly. And somewhere in the middle of my huge flesh mound would be the indentation of two thumbs-up gestures being pumped up and down in excitement.

But everyone has told me how laugh-out-loud funny the movie is. And how much I'd relate. Besides, one of my favorite memories from our wedding was going to see "Wedding Crashers" with everyone in our bridal party and their significant others two nights before our big day. It just seemed so appropriate and topical that a movie like that would be playing when Jerry and I were going through the same thing. Not to mention we ended up with four wedding crashers of our own that I took immense pleasure in kicking out promptly.

So the fact that an equally popular pregnancy movie would be released the summer I'm carrying our first child almost feels like fate. Like it would throw the cosmos out of alignment or something if we refrained from seeing it in a theater.

And being Jerry's first pseudo Father's Day and all, I agreed to go. He had suggested seeing a movie last night and "Knocked Up" was the first that came to mind for both of us. Besides, instant agreement like that is an extremely rare occurrence. When it happens, we seize it and run like hell to whatever destination we've agreed upon before one or the other decides to foolishly offer up another suggestion.

After sitting through it, I have to agree that the movie really is laugh-out-loud funny. There are so many great one-liners that Jerry and I were repeating them in the car on the way home, giggling to ourselves like dorks.

On the other hand, I was right to worry about the birthing scene. Without giving anything away, there were a few moments that found me -- ironically, I guess -- curled up in the fetal position on my seat with my jaw gaping open and both eyes squinted shut with just slits to see through. Jerry, however, gave up watching completely. He forcibly slapped both palms over his eyes and left them there until the screaming stopped.

In the ensuing calm, we turned to each other in complete shock.

"OH MY GOD," Jerry mouthed with his lips.

Thankfully, in the darkness, he couldn't see that I'd probably lost all color in my complexion. To top it off, the baby was kicking furiously. There's nothing like getting lost in a movie only to be reminded not-so-subtly that an actresses' latest career move is a reality for you.

As I tried to fall asleep that night despite the erratic movement inside of me, I couldn't help but think that it'll all be worth it.

The things that take the most hard work and effort usually are.

9 comments:

Tracibobaci said...

Awww. Don't worry that is soooo not reality and even if it was it would definitely be worth it.

Check out hypnobabies.com.

"smile" the plainsman said...

Having been the official wedding photographer twice, (long ago, thankfully), I believe your dozen or so photos posted here are great, showing the "heart" of the day, not always easy to capture. Quality trumps quantity every time. Did Jerry take that great shot of his beautiful bride?

Just think, with all these movie coincidences, you and Jerry will be going to see the 2025 version of Animal House the day after you drop your young one off for their first day at college!

Lioncloud said...

Giving birth is cool. I'd give birth a million times before I would endure 9 months of pregnancy again. Don't be afraid to ask for drugs. That's what they make them for. All they do is take the edge off and get you feeling back "on top" again.

Tell Jerry it's a whole different thing when the goo and other bodily fluids are coming from someone you love; they are wonderful then!

Chelsea said...

I heard the movie was so funny too! I'd probably keep my eyes closed during the birthing scene! By the way, if you have Comcast then look OnDemand because they have a huge baby month section!

kristin said...

I'm glad you went to see it. It really is hysterical :)

Lisa said...

Kelly dont even think your experience will be like that! Those movies are COMPLETELY false... I laugh out loud when I see women screaming on TV. And, like lioncloud said the body fluids ect., are not going to be repulsive - and they dont smell aweful.
If you are still having trouble sleeping, you can still sleep/lie on your back with something under your right side, so you are slightly tilted toward the left. Thats how they do it in L&D, where the women lay on their backs to give birth. They put a folded blanket under their back on the right side.
Check out www.lamaze.org website, it discusses the process of labor -I'm sure you know a bunch already, but I think this resource is great because it explains how your body is amazingly capable of giving birth without medical intervention (which it seems many doctors dont want you to know).
You'll be great, and it will be wonderful - dont be scared!

Kathleen said...

I saw it too, and because I'm not pregnant, I was able to not completely cover my eyes. I've never given birth before, so I can't really speak for whether or not the entire scene was realistic. However, there was one aspect of the scene that I definitely knew was not realistic. No pubic hair. COME ON! Who in their right mind would do anything to remove pubic hair in the 9th month?

Chriss said...

I've done it three times. The baby (and fluids) don't smell bad. They don't smell. Rest easy. Also, here's a sleeping hint that helped me through many months of pregnancy: spooning to help me stay on my side. When my husband turned over, he backed up right against me for the same reason. In his absence I used body pillows, one behind me, one in front to "hold." The problem, as you've noted, was rolling onto your back, especially when you're used to sleeping that way. Hope that helps.

Ray said...

Awww, I loved this post. It was so truthful and I loved that. AND, I SO have to get my ass down to watch that movie!! I'm not really into, "Comedies" like a lot of people, but this one has two of my favorite actors as main characters which is cool. Also the storyline looks interesting, so I MUST go!

Take care, Kelly & DON'T WORRY SO MUCH!