There's a new love in my life. We met a week ago and we've been sleeping together ever since.
But don't worry, Jerry doesn't mind. In fact, he encouraged it. Insisted even.
It's my body pillow.
I named him Lincoln.
We found each other at a giant home supply store in the bedding section. Although marketed to college students, Lincoln practically jumped out of the bin screaming "I'm up for the challenge of supporting a pregnant belly!" Or maybe he just sensed that he would have less of a chance of getting bar stank and vodka-laced puke on him at our house. Or actually having his pillowcase washed more than once a year. Either way, I'm pretty sure the attraction was mutual.
But he was a little pricey. With a new baby on the way, all seeming frivolities suddenly dry up. If Jerry thought I had an insane lockdown on our spending habits before, it's now become as tight as an isolation cell in Alcatraz: what comes in, rarely goes out.
And even though sleeping has become more than uncomfortable now that I have boobs for the first time in my life and a tiny being inside my belly who prefers to dance when I'm ready to rest, spending 30 bucks on a pillow just seemed ridiculous when we have piles of them sitting unused in our guest room.
I figured I had made it this far without a special pillow. I could make it another three months and three weeks. (But who's counting?)
Jerry, however, grabbed Lincoln and headed for the cash registers. On the way, he yelled back instructions for me to pick out the pillowcase color I wanted before he stomped back and selected the ugliest one there just to make me twitch.
"Because I know you'll be picky about that even though it won't be visible," he said, laughing.
Psh. Like he knows me or something.
Beautiful soft blue pillowcase it is then.
When we got home later that afternoon, I was exhausted and ready for a nap. I pulled Lincoln out of his protective plastic bag, tossed him on the bed and laid down next to him on my left side, flopping my right leg over top.
Bliss. Pure bliss.
All of the increasing pressure on my spreading hip joints and knees was relieved. My belly felt supported for the first time in months and even my boobs got an extra little lift. I hadn't intended to fall right asleep. I wasn't under the covers. I hadn't even loosened my ponytail. But I was out before Jerry could even ask for my reaction.
Since then, Lincoln and I have become inseparable. Not only was he worth every penny simply because of the type of sleep he affords me, but he has provided a few added services, as well. I like to think of them as little bonuses.
His mere presence on the bed often keeps Toby out from between my ankles. Toby now prefers to burrow under the sheets and rest his head on Lincoln, instead. And, my favorite bonus, Jerry doesn't have as much room to stir, leaving the covers miraculously in place all through the night.
Yes, Lincoln is the perfect bed companion. He always gives, never takes. He doesn't mind being passed around. He's very clearly comfortable with men, women and even animals -- or even all three at once.
Pregnant or not, everyone should have a Lincoln in their life.