I've had some pretty strange dreams before, but the baby-related ones I've been having as of late make me feel certifiable.
Take last night's, for example. I was going to the doctor for my six-month checkup and the baby fell out. She was wrapped in a cocoon of blubbery body substance that looked a lot like fat and seemed completely content. She didn't cry or fuss, just sort of stayed in a non-animated state, unaware of her change in surroundings.
I, of course, was completely freaking out. I ran into my doctor's office too scared to even scream for help. It was almost as if I couldn't find my voice. But when I got inside, I noticed that a young Indian couple were having a sonogram done in the waiting room. And their baby was lying on the floor in a pocket of blubbery fat, too.
The doctor just sort of poked around the fat, moving it aside at times to illustrate what he was seeing. The couple laughed and "oohed" and "aahed" when appropriate.
Somehow, I suddenly became aware that it was completely normal for the baby to slip in and out of me on occasion. I just needed to stuff her back in.
So I tried to find an unoccupied exam room to attempt it on my own. When I didn't have any luck, I knocked on a door with an "Employees only" sign.
Here's where it gets really weird.
Adam Sambourg opened the door just enough to poke his head out. You know, the newby actor on "Saturday Night Live." Right. I know. Strange isn't the word.
He was wearing scrubs and apparently was a friend of mine from college. I shoved him aside and asked for help. We went into a tiny well-lit room where he watched in horror as I shoved the baby back inside myself. The walls were blue and it had a large mirror where I could see his reflection clearly. I never looked directly at him, just through the mirror.
And that was it. I woke up to tiny kicks in my abdomen.
The dream analyst in me can decipher a lot of it. I'm off to my six-month appointment this morning, so that isn't too much of a stretch. The Indian couple might be because Jerry and I discussed getting Indian food for lunch today. And Adam Sambourg? We watched some oldie but goodie "SNL" clips on YouTube at work a few nights ago. Plus, the blue room felt a lot like the vanity-area in our house.
But the baby falling out? Coated in blubbery fat? And shoving her back in?
Fortunately, I don't think they make straight jackets to accommodate pregnant bellies.
Although, maybe they should.