Last night, Jerry and I went to dinner with some friends. When I got up to go to the bathroom at the end of the meal, I ended up following another woman in. She was probably in her late-50s, had very short gray hair and was wearing a colorful knitted vest.
She held the door for me on the way in, so she knew I was there, and proceeded into the first stall on the right.
As she swung the door open, she said, "MY NAME IS CORNHOLIO. I NEED TP FOR MY BUNGHOLE!"
In the Beavis voice and everything.
It literally stopped me in my tracks. I almost peed myself right there as I tried desperately to contain my laughter.
As I closed the door to the furthest stall, I honestly started to wonder if any of it was really happening. Was I dreaming? I mean, no one else was in there to witness it. Maybe I would walk out to find elaborately dressed circus monkeys waiting with fancy bar soap and fluffy hand towels.
But there weren't any monkeys. Just the crazy woman with the random vocal outburst. And as our eyes met briefly in the mirror, we just smiled in that polite "I acknowledge that you are a fellow human being" way you do with strangers in a bathroom.
Then we returned to our tables. And as luck would have it, hers was near mine.
When I sat down, I tried to quietly draw attention to the woman so I could relay the story. I mouthed the words, "OH MY GOD ... GET A LOOK AT THAT WOMAN ... HAVE I GOT A STORY FOR YOU GUYS!"
All heads instantly turned in her direction, but I didn't even care how indiscreet it was. It was too good not to share.
Everyone at the table agreed: No one would ever expect a middle-aged woman to blurt out an obscure 1994 MTV cartoon reference in a knowingly occupied public restroom.
And the Most Bizarre Statement of the Year award goes to ...
CRAZY BATHROOM LADY.