The good news is that I'm one centimeter dilated and 50 percent effaced.
The bad news is that it really doesn't mean anything.
For those who are not well-versed in the language of cervixes -- the part of the female anatomy that essentially has to disappear in order to deliver a baby -- dilating is when it opens, effacing is when it thins. It needs to open to 10 centimeters and thin 100 percent.
Sounds easy, right? Ten little centimeters?
Now think back to your sex-ed class in elementary school where you had to watch birth videos. Remember the woman in the hospital gown walking around the halls, hunched over in pain? Yeah, that's because her cervix was dilating.
Everyone Jerry and I told about my minor progress seemed to think it indicates impending labor. As in, "Break out the office poll, I have dibs on early next week." Or, "You're DEFINITELY having an October baby."
But I refuse to get my hopes up. If I listen to what my body is telling me, I'm pretty sure she's damn content in there. I've had very few signs other than abdominal cramps, which are starting to increase in strength and frequency. I guess it's a good thing, but it's very confusing to mentally root for the pain and physically want it to stop.
Of course, it always hits at night while I'm at work. It's nothing I can't handle, but it makes concentrating a little difficult. I find myself just sort of taking a moment to breathe and relax. Otherwise I'd end up writing a headline for the next day's newspaper like, "Pending executions in Iraq causing turmoil and OWWWW."
In between, I just sort of waddle a trench in the carpet between my desk and the bathroom. If I thought I was going a lot before, now it's almost obnoxious. I might as well swap out my desk chair with a toilet.
The one ray of hope is the doctor's response to my most pressing question at my appointment yesterday: "If I go past my due date, when would I be induced?"
Answer: 10 1/2 days. (What the hell the half day is for, I'll never know.)
That takes me to the day before Thanksgiving.
Not ideal, but at that point, I don't think I'll much give a damn.