Saturday, October 27, 2007

This week's newspaper column

My due date is just days away. And any pregnant woman who has made it this far into her third trimester without giving birth will probably tell you that she had one overwhelming thought in the final stretch: OUT.

Don't get me wrong, I'm in it for the long haul. But when my doctor told me I was considered full-term last week, my husband and I decided to try every old wives' tale we could dig up in hopes of speeding the process along.

Granted, I'm not sure who these "old wives" are, but at this point, the saying could refer to "old crazy witches" and I'd probably still give their methods a try. We even invented one of our own, just for good measure, but seeing as I'm not writing about my newborn, you can probably guess how well they turned out.
  • Walking: As if any forward momentum without the help of an engine and four tires isn't hard enough at this point, I have committed to pacing a dent in the concrete sidewalks around my neighborhood. I say "pacing" because there is no such thing as walking anymore. These days, my stride looks more like something a cowboy with 10-foot spurs would do when approaching a showdown in a Western movie.

  • Raspberry tea: I have no idea what the concept behind this one is, but I challenge you to locate a box of decaffeinated raspberry tea bags without any other ingredients like ginger or ginseng or ylang ylang. After searching every grocery store in the county, I'm convinced this one has less to do with ingesting the tea and more about the hunt. Frankly, I think the old wives intended it as distraction.

  • Caster oil: This one is just sadistic. It makes me think the saying should be "old husband's tales." Only a man would think of encouraging a woman whose insides are squished to capacity to ingest a foul-tasting substance in hopes of spurring horrible intestinal spasms that may eventually lead to contractions. No thanks. I'd rather be pregnant for eternity.

  • Spicy food: I'm guessing this one has something to do with making it uncomfortable in there for the little one. Amniotic fluid laced with jalapeno can't be as appetising as say, an entire pint of ice cream. And although I loaded my chicken enchilada with a few squirts of the random green liquid at my favorite Mexican restaurant recently, I only ended up searing my tastebuds and making my eyes water profusely.

  • Accupressure: The woman who taught our childbirth class mentioned that a spot on each foot near the big toe can help spur contractions when pressed. For a long time, we thought of it as a magic button. But after a marathon foot massage, the only result I got was pain. If my feet really were the overfilled water balloons they resemble, they would've popped.

  • Playing with the baby's toys: In a sleep-deprived moment of borderline insanity, I suggested testing out all of the plush pastel things piling up in the nursery. I guess I thought if our daughter sensed we were having a great time with all of her stuff, she would be somewhat inclined to join us. Then I realized we were being idiots.
I'm sure there are many more methods of inducing labor naturally, but I think I'm going to let Mother Nature do her thing.

Then again, if I don't have this baby by Christmas, don't be surprised if you see a strange woman jumping on the trampoline in your backyard.

23 comments:

Mom said...

When I was 3 WEEKS overdue with YOU, Mr. Salce (your Art teacher) told me to eat fresh pineapple. You were born within 2 days.

Tiffany said...

Awww... she'll be here way before Christmas! :-)

Anonymous said...

strawberry koolaid.... i had never had it until 12 hours before i went into labor. i had a small glass with my best friends daughter and it tasted so good i stopped on my home and bought some. i made it and drank the whole gallon. i went into labor 12 hours later.

esther said...

So this may sound weird but your post made me think about a friends episode. Rachel is pregnant with Ross and she is full-term but not experiencing labour. So they go to see a doctor who tells them to have sex because it is known that this helps. ( the problem is that they are broken up and ross doesnt want too). So in any case I dont know if it works but if it doesnt I suggest you watch the episode just to make time pass ;)

Anonymous said...

Wow, you're going to wait until Christmas to try that?
Yes, orgasms can't hurt. They do, after all, get the uterus contracting. Good luck.

Jolean said...

My sis-in-law swears buy the "having vigorous sex" routine.. she has 3 already, and it has helped her out..I'm not sure of the details, but hours after getting very "busy" she started feeling strong contractions.

Ray said...

Awwww, you beat me to the "Castor Oil!" It is said to work. In fact the only reason I found out about it was because I watched it in, "A Baby Story." The women's doula told her to take it. AND wouldn't you know IT, soon after she was getting contractions, and had to go to the hospital.

I know it must taste awful but try putting cotton balls in your ears. My mother said that if you do that it distorts your taste because everything is connected. Then take the, "Castor Oil."

But if not just hang in there.
And she'll be here before Christmas, I PROMISE hehe.

Take, care.

Anonymous said...

actually, having sex makes the cervix dilate more because of the prostaglandins in the semen. Unless you've been told that your pregnancy is a high-risk one, having sex probably isn't going to hurt the baby.

lovechild420 said...

I eneded up giving birth Nov 19th w/ a due date same as yours. I tried everything. The only thing I didn't try was eggplant parmesean.. But, I have a friend who was just days past her due date, ate it, and was in labor the next day.. Just a thought LoL

lovechild420 said...

Ok, here's my source LoL Please go here to read the article about the parm & get the recipe. :o)

http://www.wchstv.com/gmarecipes/eggplantparmigian.shtml

Rachel said...

My water broke within 15 minutes after having sex. We called it "constructive sex" because we were trying to accomplish something. And it worked!

Tracibobaci said...

Spicy food works for the same reason castor oil works--it makes you poop. The cramps apparently kick start you uterus to join the party. I've heard lots of good things about sex working plus it seems a lot more fun than laxatives. = )

Ultimately, babies are born on their birthdays not when doctors or anyone else says so. Try and enjoy it by making yourself as comfortable as possible! Good luck, girly.

Anonymous said...

I heard that balsamic vinegar is supposed to do the trick too.

Jennifer said...

I have 1 more to add to the list: (sex was already suggested, if not this would've been on the top of my list)

Brown Sugar. They say to dissolve 1 tablespoon of brown sugar into warm water.

Worked for my 2nd. (well it was that AND all the sex I think) I had her 24 hours later. (and she even arrived 1 week before her due date! Perfectly healthy and happy as I was for her to be out)

jsi said...

Two babies delivered on their exact due dates, one 10 days before, another 13 days before...each one directly after one greatly enjoyed roll in the sack. And a full day of lifting the couches, moving the tables, cleaning every inch of the 1st floor regimen.
Nothing helps more than hearing the words that you are full term - everything is healthy and that light at the end of the tunnel is getting brighter.
Good to know that you are feeling well...think twice about that castor oil. Baby oilassage is much more enjoyable...

Wendy said...

Make reservations to go eat dinner at a fancy restaurant, but tickets to some event for after dinner, great your hair done, dress really fancy, and I guarantee you won't make it through the evening (My friend Kelly...a different Kelly...swears by this method). You are in the final stretch. You can do it!

Wendy said...

^^^
...buy tickets and get your hair done....

Sorry - I didn't error check before posting

Heidi said...

It's actually raspberry leaf tea, not the fruity raspberry tea you buy at the grocery store. You can only find raspberry leaf tea at the health food store, it apparently tastes gross, and it doesn't speed anything up but strengthens the uterus for birth.

Another one is sex. The prostaglandins in the semen ripen the cervix, and the orgasm causes uterine contractions!

Shalini said...

yes, i agree with the others. the s-e-x.

Either that or go with the pineapple. Nothing worked for me just had to wait out the 10 days past due date. but it looks like your mom waited 21 days. Good luck, almost there!

the plainsman said...

Your mom's comment about eating pineapple reminded me of one of the first things on your old site that I read, having a tag line something like "They DO have pineapple trees in Japan, right?

That still might be worked into a catchy title for your first book of columns, especially if eating pineapple works!

Anonymous said...

I've read a lot of comments about what works to induce labor, but in reality there is only one true method that will induce labor, ONLY IF YOUR BODY IS READY (and you are at or past your due date). I was 1 1/2 weeks overdue and so ready to have my baby. I tried everything, sex, pineapple, exercising constantly, and none of these things worked. Then my friend (a mother of 4) told me what to do. Roll your nipples between your thumb and index finger for about 20-30 minutes. I know it sounds silly but it will throw your body into contractions so fast you won't even believe it's happening. I was so skeptical (and tried this theory in the middle of the night....was at the hospital at 1 in the morning) but it really works.

Nicki said...

I had a Mr. Salce for art in junior high!! Is it the same one? Webster Schroeder. That would be awesome!

novelle360 said...

Yes, Nicki! He was one of my favorite teachers of all time. I adored his class and still have some of my old art projects tucked away in a closet at my mom's house. Granted, he and my mom were good friends when they worked in the same building, but I know he really cared. He helped me through a rough year.