About halfway through Sara Silverman's standup set, I felt grateful that I didn't have to write a review for my paper.
Because I would've panned her.
Jerry and I had been looking forward to our "last night out" as soon as we knew she was going to be in town. Despite the daily struggle that it is to exist with a full-term baby in my belly, I was actually hoping not to go into labor until after we had a chance to see her show.
Now I realize we wouldn't have missed much.
She started out strong with her casually delivered ultra offensive one-liners that fans have come to love her for. The venue was rolling through her frank discussion about how she never wants to experience natural childbirth. "You know, vagina babies." And instead hopes to one day adopt "something brown ... because otherwise you don't get any credit."
But later, after a botched attempt at strumming her guitar to what had the potential of being a very funny song about Jews who buy German cars, she gave up. Literally.
"Eh, fuck it," she said, resting her arms on top of her guitar. "I can't remember the chords."
Then she turned her attention to the can of RedBull she had placed on a nearby stool, started interacting with a few people in the front row and suddenly had the brilliant idea to invite hecklers to interrupt her whenever the mood struck.
"It'll be like a more intimate setting," she said.
But it wasn't an intimate setting. There were 3,000 people spread out in a sprawling entertainment hall, making it very hard for her and the rest of the audience to hear what exactly was being yelled.
The rest of the night continued with a scattered version of her bits, every single one cut short by her asking "What?" into the microphone and "Is that what you just said?" followed by half-assed attempts at witty banter with faceless idiots in the crowd like the douchebag who just needed to shout out a request for Sarah to sign his taint after the show. Or his equally moronic frat brother who wanted to know how long Jimmy Kimmel's penis is.
The only semi-interesting tangent was when someone asked about her joke that sparked a media frenzy after she called Britney Spears' children "adorable mistakes" during the 2007 MTV Video Music Awards. Sarah explained that there was no way Britney could've heard the jokes during rehearsal causing the singer's less-than-stellar "comeback" performance.
"When we were doing the run through, I just got up on the mic and said, 'Joke, joke, joke, joke' and walked off," she said.
And the only reason I found it interesting is because, for some stupid reason, I can't get enough of that celebrity gossip garbage. Jerry, on the other hand, was checking the clock on his cell phone.
I left with the feeling that she's tired of touring. She referenced her grueling travel schedule on more than one occasion and how she sleeps on her bus. From here she goes on to Atlantic City then to New York at Carnegie Hall, so I'm guessing she viewed central Pennsylvania as a chance to phone it in.
I'm just glad we didn't have to pay for our tickets.
Because the mumbled response to a heckler asking how she shaves her pubic hair isn't half as entertaining as her thought-out comedy routine.
Then again, I wouldn't really know. I only got a glimpse of it.