Friday, November 9, 2007

Why I hate people right now

The woman at the bank whose daughter-in-law was due five days AFTER me comes running up as I stood in line yesterday with news about her new grandson even though I am CLEARLY still pregnant and cranky.

"We delivered on Monday!" she sang. "Ten days early!"

I almost puked on her shoes.

..........................................................................

My awesome, fantastic, supa great friend Gisela has been sending me links to pregnancy and baby-related news stories over the past nine months. Most contain really great information like crib recalls and how Baby Einstein videos will turn your child's brain to mush and make it leak out of their ears.

But the latest installment made me crazy. It's a list of weird things about newborns including baby acne, big baby boobs, crossed eyes and even horrible scaly patches of skin on their scalp.

As if I didn't have enough to worry about, now I'm convinced my baby is going to be born with a third nipple.

(But because I love her so much, Gisela is exempt from the hate list. Every friend should get at least one "Get Off the Hate List Free" pass -- especially when their intentions were good. Love ya G!)

..........................................................................

Last night at work, a well-meaning co-worker noticed I was being more quiet than usual and asked, "Are you okay?"

I wanted to scream: "NO, I'M NOT OKAY! My effing ear infection is back. It crackles inside my head every time I swallow and has been doing that for almost 12 hours. I'm seriously considering pulling a VanGogh and cutting it off with my dull-ass office scissors. ... In the meantime, my tailbone feels like it's collapsing under the weight of my HUGE PREGNANT ASS and all I want to do is be HOME right now and not trying to be a MARTYR and work up until my DUE DATE."

Instead I just nodded.

Maybe today will be better.

25 comments:

Jennifer said...

The last days of pregnancy are so terrible, I remember them well.

There isn't anything anyone can say to make it better other than "Hey you are in labor!"

(((hug)))

Tiffany said...

I can't make it better either, just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you and anxiously awaiting the day you don't post which means Lil Miss must be here :-) Today is your last day of work, right?

Lioncloud said...

Sleep. Sleep. Sleep.

You are going to need it.


Glrr

Marina said...

Thought you may enjoy this article. I randomly found it today and thought it provided a bit of insight into your question a couple posts back (of course, you aren't like the horrible woman in this article, but it's still kinda similar to what you were thinking about, right?)

http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1681838,00.html?xid=feed-yahoo-healthsci

<3 Lots of love. I've told all my friends about 'this girl whose blog i've been reading for like 3 years, and i feel like i know her even though we've never met, and she's gonna have a BABY and i'm SO EXCITED FOR HER OMG."

Katie said...

Oh, the things you make me look forward to...

BTW, you're probably not going to be up to blogging for a while before/after the birth.. You should get someone you trust to give an update of sorts, since we are all rooting for you :)

I feel like any post may be your last before you disappear for a week or more... And as much as I love reading your blog, I'm so excited for you and the moment that last post comes :)

the plainsman said...

Sorry, all I can think of is "Clue, eggplant, sex...Clue, egplant, sex..." but ironically, I'm sure by now there is only one thing which will bring you peace...labor! Hope it begins soon.

Ps: I always wondered about the validity of those Baby Einstein videos as Einstein himself never had benefit of them and look at all he accomplished! :-)

blueskitten said...

Happy last day of work!

Emmy said...

*cringing* I'm so sorry about that. I do wish I could somehow help you feel better. Really. Please, don't put me on your poop-poop list.

Janice said...

I really haven't heard much about late pregnancies since I have been reading your blog and I have to say I have learned so much so far with you. I have a few people I know that are pregnant, but I have since lost touch with them after their third month (roughly). I hope you get some rest & relaxation--you deserve it! I'm hoping for updates soon! :)

kimiedawn said...

I'm sorry, I have to risk being on the hate list right now, but that post cracked me up. I remember it too--the first part you feel sick and like total crap, middle is great when you have that "glowing" look about you, and the last part you pretty much want to scratch everyone's eyes out. So glad to see pregnancy hasn't changed much. Although I hope for your sake (and everyones around you :) that she comes soon!

Anonymous said...

I was born with a third nipple. and im a girl. and its not that bad.

Candi said...

If it helps at all, you are further effaced than I was when they took me in for induction. For a first baby you are actually doing very well. My thoughts are with you. My baby just turned three months old so I remember what you're feeling oh, so well!

Gisela said...

WHAT-EVERRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

>:-(

weber/whitney said...

oops, sorry about the excited phone call the other day asking about the baby. just got caught up on your site...nothin' but love kelly, nothin' but love...

christy

Anonymous said...

I had two extra nipples. They don't develop, and look rather like mosquito bites. It's not too bad. ;)

Tracibobaci said...

I love that people are commenting about third (and fourth) nipples! Hee hee.

Be strong, girl! You can totally do this. We're all cheering for ya.

chelsea said...

At least its your last day at work! Hang in there! <3

Kristin said...

Aww.
I hope she comes out soon :P

-KrIsTiN-

Anonymous said...

My son was born with an underdeveloped third nipple. Looks like more of a birth mark though.

Ray said...

Hugs! I truly hope she arrives tomorrow. And about the baby acne thing: I wouldn't call it acne, but a baby could get a rash on their face. I mean it's a bit inevitable when they've been in their mother's womb all protected and all & then they arrive and their skin is just so ultra sensitive, that you can't really do much about it. But it's nothing to really freak out about. Your baby's going to be just fine. =)

Take, care. <3

Ray said...

P.S. Also just in case she does come tomorrow, I can't help but say this, "I'm going to miss you."

I know when she arrives you won't have much time for this. Well to be frank: Not much time at ALL! I'm not in denial about this fact. And you probably won't let us know she's arrived until a later date (which is acceptable because you have a real life outside of this blog site). But still know that I will miss you as we ALL will!

;o)

Anonymous said...

ugh--i remember those days! my first son was 10 days late.

natalie said...

i keep checking in 2-3 times a day waiting for some labor news.
i've never had a baby, but i can only imagine what those last few days are like. i'm so sorry!!!

Anonymous said...

So today's the day you actually think about horseback riding. Please dot do it. They're hard to climb up on and for some reason I never believed that one on the "induce labor" list. It's just never seemed like a good idea to pound a kid's head into bone.
I'll miss you too. It does make me smile just a teensy bit that very soon you'll be wishing, albeit briefly, that she could be shoved back where she was. It will all be so worth it, every stretch mark, every real contraction and push. You're going to have a beautiful baby. In 4 days. That's my guess based on my own 3. Good luck, Kelly! Don't kill Jerry. I'll miss you.

Anonymous said...

Dot = don't of course.