Saturday, December 8, 2007

Ho, ho, holy hell it sucked

Disastrous, horrid, calamitous, terrible, awful, catastrophic, dreadful, unpleasant and just plain bad.

Yes, these are some of the adjectives I would use to describe our mall outing.

Maybe my expectations were too high in the assumption that we would actually get some Christmas shopping done, but every time the stroller stopped moving, Allison's mouth would instantly shoot open and emit an ear-piercing wail.

Jerry and I just exchanged blank stares as if to say, "Um, now what?"

We must've looked like complete idiots to anyone who had been paying attention. We didn't ever leave one wing of the mall, favoring instead to retreat to a dressing room on one occasion and just pace in circles during other crying fits, wondering what the hell to do next.

I've decided that malls are not conducive to babies. First of all, the volume of the music in every store is set to "hearing loss." Perfect for waking a sleeping child.

Second, the clothing racks and merchandise displays are set so damn close to one another that even the smallest of strollers can take out an entire store in its wake. At one point, I nearly toppled a case of holiday-themed DVDs, swore under my breath and angrily mumbled something to Jerry about waiting outside.

During the few moments that we ventured upstairs for the sole purpose of getting to the restrooms to change Alli's diaper, we had to use the ghetto mall elevator for the first time. The smell in that confined space was so overwhelmingly bad that I nearly vomited my Orange Julius all over Jerry's feet. Instead, I managed to bunch my scarf over my nose and inhale as shallowly as possible.

When the doors opened to reveal another stroller-clad couple, the mother laughed. Probably at the lack of color in my face.

"I know, smells like dirty crayon wax, huh?"

I wanted to wholeheartedly agree at her accuracy of pinpointing the putrid scent, but I was afraid to move my lips even a millimeter, knowing that if I did, my stomach's contents would tumble out. Instead I just nodded, scarf still firmly pressed against my nostrils.

The only redeeming value of the entire venture was watching others react to Allison. People would instantly light up at the sight of her, exclaiming how cute she is. And I loved watching women walking in the opposite direction take time to turn around as we passed just for a peek and an "Aw" before pacing out of earshot.

And although we left almost completely empty-handed as far as presents go, the trip wasn't a total loss.

She did get her first picture with Santa.

DSC_0273
I'm pretty sure she was thrilled.

37 comments:

gorakagaz said...

haha...she looks like she enjoyed that just about as much as you guys did =]

Marsha said...

Oh girk, get yourself a snuggli or sling. you'll still want the stroller for your packages, diaper bag, and who knows what else, but an empty stroller can go up and down escalators. Babies will sleep much more in the sling, and you won't have to worry about her being touched by random people, either.
And yes for the record, I HATE dept. stores because there is no room for strollers. Honestly, I think it wasn't until I was amom that I started shopping almost exclusively at Walmart..........not just for the prices either. But cookie crumbs, baby puke and drool don't seem as bad at Walmart, LOL. And the aisles are nice and wide.

Anonymous said...

That picture is so cute!

Anonymous said...

Her face in that picture, while still adorable, tells the whole story of the outting.
I suspect she was just as happy to get home as you and Jerry.

~kirs

http://www.xanga.com/bronxbombette said...

I agree with Marsha about getting a sling. It calms down the sense of chaos with the baby being right next to your body. Yum, dirty crayon wax, thats disgusting.

Anonymous said...

She's beyond precious

its_just_ang said...

Aww!! She looks thrilled! LOL...very cute.

Suzy xanga.com/thatsmrsmayor2u said...

so sorry that the trip didn't go as well as anticipated.
The picture with Santa cracks me up. She's so tiny, but so full of expressions already!

cafechick80 said...

The trip was a success. Because you got a great story and a cute pic to boot!

Happy Holiday's Kelly!

Timberly said...

That is the cutest picture ever!

Joe said...

SO CUTE!!!
But, she kinda looks like Brain from Pinky and the Brain, remember that show?? BUT SHE SOOO CUTE!!!She looks super pissed in that picture!! LOL! Maybe you should get a babysitter so you can do stuff like shopping for around 2 hours, and get it all over with!
Hope this was of help!
~Joe

Ray/http://www.xanga.com/marilynmonroe4u2nv said...

Awwww, a picture with Santa. =) I hadn't even thought of that. She's like, "Mommy get me away from these strange man's arms!"

Sorry the trip didn't go well. And yes that's what I hate about stores like that. Everythings all cramped and you can't even get your cart around the store, because there's no space! You'd think they'd do a different set up, so people could get around more easily, but "NOOooooo!"

Also I think you should get Alli used to loud noise. Because if not then she'll wake up for any little thing and you won't like that. I mean I know she's only a little over two weeks, so it's not an easy thing to do. BUT, if she gets used to the noise, you can take her anywhere, and she'll sleep through anything.

I also agree with Marsha, you can get her a carrier so she'll be right on your chest, (smelling your scent), which will calm her. And her being so close to you won't give her a need to scream.

Well, take care.

Tiffany said...

Love her expression in the Santa pic... she's getting more adorable by the day!!(IF that's even possible!) :)

Janic said...

She looks gorgeous, even if she doesn't look exactly thrilled...I'm sure years down the road she'll get a kick out of that.

Katie said...

Hahahahaha, that picture is awesome... You should save that picture with a printout of this blog, I'm sure she'll enjoy it years down the road.

Anonymous said...

I think you need a sling too :) she wont scream then.

xanga.com/kristinmckenna said...

at least she wasn't screaming at that point.... :) Hopefully the outings will get easier. perhaps she was upset the shopping wasn't for her :)

Katie said...

bahahahaha. that is priceless. make sure to keep it around to show all of her boyfriends later...=]

erica said...

Keep that picture! That'll be hillarious to look back on when she gets older. She'll love it. Sorry it didn't go so well but it will get easier to do outings like that eventually.

mercurial scribe said...

She just looks SOOOOO happy about that Santa visit. LOL.

nikki said...

that face is priceless.

Shalini said...

What a gorgeous girl lil Alli is.

Sorry the outing wasn't so fun. but at least her 1st christmas she has a pic with her looking semi non pissed... lol

can't wait to see a pic of toby and her on christmas morning! Take lots and lots!

Anonymous said...

And just think, someday you'll remember that as the good old days.

Randall said...

Yes, she looks so thrilled! Sorry to hear it was such a mess - but there is always next time! I'm not a momma but I would definitely try anything some of the other commenters said previously, especially the sling.

Traci said...

I was going to suggest a sling/carrier but I see several others have beat me to it. They are very helpful when you need to hold your baby and yet still have two free hands. Babies usually really like them, too. Heck, who wouldn't love being snuggled close to mommy in a scary mall? = )

Emmakirst said...

What a sweet picture!

Meghan said...

That picture is too adorable for words.

Sometimes I feel like screaming in overcrowded malls too. =)

Wendy said...

She does look thrilled (to the edge of tears). I agree with marsha to get a snuggli....I know from friends that those things are a life saver.
I do love to shop with my husband, but you might have to split your list in half and shop in separate, single trips. He might actually have to pick out his own gifts for his parents....my husband would freak if faced with that possibility. Good luck! And check out the internet because tons of sights seem to be offering free shipping with no minimum purchase.

Anonymous said...

That is the cutest fussy face!

jsi said...

Merry Christmas
What a terrible experience for you. Her picture is a framed version of the whole entire day.

There are no stores which are stroller friendly, which is why I wore my children everywhere I went. Consider a different mode of transportation for your beauty little bon bon. I almost used my sling exclusively when I needed to go to the store or anywhere which required walking and holding my young one. And the sling is such a handy covering for when needing to nurse a hungry baby, no one around you even knows whats happening.

grace said...

kelly your baby is so.freaking.cute.

i'm surprised she didn't start wailing like most babies with santa..

Emilee said...

Her expression is priceless! :]

Kristin said...

Maybe she wasn't thrilled, but it's sill pretty adorable, lol.

-KrIsTiN-

Lioncloud said...

(laughed until tears came)

I remember the look on the store clerk's face when your cousin was a toddler and had massive, expulsive diarrhea in the check-out line of a grocery store.

There is a photo somewhere of Allison's grandmother looking equally not thrilled at being near Santa. Tell her that she needs to be more responsive to being held by her Great-aunt or else she's out of the will!

Glrr

Marcy said...

Honestly, the thought of having to use a stroller has always terrified me. They just look like such pains in the a$$!! I've already bought 2 slings that I hope to use with our little guy the vast majority of the time. We'll see how well that goes...

kimiedawn said...

She looks so cute even though she does look disgusted with the whole man in a red suit thing! Yep, I remember a trip to Wal-mart was a whole other experience in itself! Just know it does get easier.

www.xanga.com/the_plainsman.com said...

Sorry it did not go well, but at least you know how much better it will get!?!! Liked those suggestions of the sling things and also aclimating her, perhaps a bit more slowly to the noise, in a more upscale mall than the "ghetto mall" you mentioned, as they are usually quieter. And hopefully Alli will be too, while she picks out her first diamond studs! LOL!