Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Crap shoot

There are a few things I expected about dealing with a newborn. I knew there would be dirty diapers. I knew they would overflow on occasion. I even knew to plan on poop in the few seconds it takes to scoot a clean one into place.

But I didn't expect it to spray so expertly and all-encompassing around a room.

I can now say I've been pooped on.

So can Jerry.

And Toby, too.

After moving Allison from her bathtub to her changing table last night, I must've let go of the bottom fold of her towel -- at the exact moment she decided to let her bowels loose.

Poop dripped all the way down my right pantleg and smeared on my sweater. I, of course, didn't notice until the smell hit my nostrils.

"Oh God, I think she pooped," I said to Jer.

Sure enough, the bottom portion of her white towel was covered with brown and her legs were sticky. And because I set her down, it transferred to her changing pad, making an even bigger mess.

"DON'T DUMP THE BATH WATER!" I yelled to Jer, moments too late.

"Crap," he said as the last remnants swirled down the drain.

"Exactly what I'm dealing with in here, too. Ugh. This is GROSS!" I said. "Fill 'er back up!"

Not noticing the mess on my clothes, I leaned into the table, smudging some of it on her furniture. Toby, meanwhile, was underfoot and it rubbed all over him, too. Then Jerry came in, and while he was laughing hysterically and taking photos, I'm happy to say he didn't get out unscathed either.

After giving her a second bath, changing my clothes, cleaning Toby, wiping off the furniture, swapping the changing pad cover, treating the towel stain and putting her in clean pajamas, Jerry and I looked at each other wondering what the hell had just happened.

I didn't think it could've been any worse.

Then I discovered crusty hardened poop on the carpet this morning.

And Toby seemed to have a look on his face that said, "See? It happens to the best of us sometimes."

27 comments:

emma said...

We wanna see photos!! Me and my sister are in hysterics!!

Hope its all gone now!

xxE

Janice said...

aww haha! That's so unfortunate but funny at the same time---good luck!

Suzy xanga.com/thatsmrsmayor2u said...

one of the best poop stories ever! Sorry you had to go through it, but she's worth it! I'd bet you'd let her do it again! :)

Lioncloud said...

Ohhhhh yes, it _could_ be worse! Wait until you check out what solid-food poop is like to deal with!
Beware grape juice poop especially!

Anonymous said...

Hah! Oh, the joys of parenthood. Moments to look back on when you're old and grey, I suppose.

Amy said...

Same thing happened to my sister! She got full on sprayed with poop tho over her chest and waist, luckily missing her face. Ahh, the joys of newborns!

Wendy said...

The horrors!

I can barely stand the smell of my own poop....I can't imagine baby poop.

chelsea said...

Now just teach her to say "disgusting!"

sandra said...

lol. I've had those moments. More this time around since Luke sprays pee as well as poop.

You'll laugh about it later and tell the tale to her fiance one day.

Anonymous said...

Toby is right! It does happen to the best of us. Now, You have to wait until she plays in her own poop. Yep, she will. She will be napping and you will think wow she is sleeping so good and you will go to check on her and WAMMMMY, Well thats what happened to me anyway. Thanks for the funny story.

Randall said...

Ooo... yikes! Do you watch Sex and the City? Your story immediately made me think of the time when Miranda was changing Brady and proceeded to wipe it on her forehear - ew!

.xanga.com/the_plainsman said...

LOL - IN BIG LETTERS! That's about all you can do!

Estrella said...

Apparently I pooped on my mother's skirt during one of my earliest visits to the doctor. I can't imagine being her when she left the doctor's office that day. With poop on her skirt. In public.

It makes me grateful I still have a ways to go before I have children of my own.

Oh, and my younger brother avenged her years later by peeing in my face when my mother changed his diaper.

Shalini said...

It's much worse when you are away from your house, and say in your CAR and doing this, and you have no nice warm bath to clean up/clean baby up in...

oh the horror!

Marina said...

Hahahahahahahahaaaaahaaaaaaaaa.

Happy mommyhood. I'm so glad I'm not a parent. ;)

wissh said...

Ah, the good old days, when life was easy, poop was cute and without smell (trust me).

Ray said...

OMG THAT IS SO CRAZY! Don't feel too bad though, it could happen to anybody. That's what a "baby" does to you though. They have you in this trance, until you find out something's gone astray. Or until the smell of poop wafts onto your nostrils. Hehe.

I knew there had to be a great story coming of those baby tales. Keep em' coming. I love it!

Take, care.

P.S. And what a shocker that Jerry got that on camera. It's official: "HE'S THE BEST DADDY EVER!" Allison will love those photo's when she's older. Not! But I know you will. =P

Kriston said...

Oh you have so not seen the last of that!

fiona said...

Katelyn usually poos once a day (though lately it's been twice a day sometimes) so we've yet to experience the explosive bowel movements...though I know we're by no means 'in the clear'.
And RYC: she's been holding her head up for at least a month and a half (though she still wobbles a bit after a couple minutes) and started pushing herself up on her forearms about a month ago. Like I said, I think it's because she's a tummy sleeper.

Jaxon said...

Makes me wanna tell one of my worst poo stories. I took my little girl out on one of our first ever outings. She was dressed adorably in soft yellow girliness, beautiful yellow blanket in her carrier for her gorgeousness to rest upon.

I went to a small boutique store where the clerks proceeded to coo and admire my daughter and then invited me to sit her on their counter to better worship her adorableness. All at once there was a ripping sound and then greenish poo began to boil out of the legs of her diaper in HUGE amounts. She went from Queen of Beautiful Babies to The Swamp Thing in moments. I was so embarrassed I couldn't get her out of the store fast enough. Despite all the earlier billing and cooing none of the clerks invited me to change her in their cute little store so I had to tackle the mess in the front seat of my car. It is a lasting memory. More like a scar in the brain.

Amy said...

It happened to my sister on Christmas Day. She went to change my nephew and it was like that scene from The Exorcist except... with poop.

Not a pretty sight but I guess it comes with the job.

PS: He also proceeded to pee on her as she frantically tried to clean up the poop that was all over her legs and his bottom.

Emale said...

You. Are. Ridiculous! :-P

Erin in Scranton said...

Yet again, I'm both laughing and shuddering. Keep it up, Kelly.

ritasmeeta said...

OH MY! makes a great story though eh?

One time I had just woken up and as I moved my arm it brushed against something wet on my blanket... I was like... wtf? ... and it was a kitty poop!!! O_O!! LOL!!

esther said...

haha funny story..First time I had to babysit samuel, a 1 year-old, he had some pretty bad dhiarrea (sp?)..I kind of recognise this!

Anyway I was wondering if you ever ended up going over to your neigbhour?

jsi said...

Yep, its not the babies that are difficult to take care of...its the mess that they can make.
Bummer of a story.
Sorry you had to go through it.

amurtigr7 said...

Hahaha!
Thats everyday I'm at work (NICU)- making sure to avoid being in the line of sight of exposive baby bowels or little boy pee fountains. I've seen it explode all over the side of a crib, and been peed on but luckly I havent had to wear it- yet!
So funny!