Monday, March 10, 2008

Bringing sexy back

Do you know how hard it is to get intimate with a baby in the house?

I mean, I thought it was bad when we got a dog. Particularly because the only way to get Toby to shut up at night when he was a puppy was to put him in bed with us, which turned out to be a gigantic nightly commitment. He now hops aboard, paws at the covers to get underneath and assumes his position between us as a gigantic furry chastity belt.

In the summer, we can leave him outside for awhile, but the winter is a whole different story. Fortunately Toby's smart enough to pick up on certain cues when he's not wanted on the bed -- well, most of the time anyway -- but he always retaliates by stealing away with the underwear we cast aside. So we can no longer disrobe with total abandon in the heat of the moment.

Often times we'll remind each other that our clothes need to land at a higher altitude than the floor. And, let me tell you, the words, "Don't forget to put your underwear on the nightstand, honey," are TOTALLY sexy.

Even more sexy? Hearing the dog pace around the bed, whining loudly about not being a part of the party.

I didn't think it was possible to have more obstacles to overcome in the sex department, then we filled the room next to ours with a child.

Not only has caring for an infant made us so tired that we usually hit the bed with our eyes already closed, but on the rare occasion that we have a little bit of energy left to enjoy ourselves with, we have constant reminders that our lives have changed.

Like the fact that my boobs are now function over form. Or catching a glance of any of our daughter's happy little stuffed animals that made their way into the bedroom to stare at us. Or the looming fact that, while our little lady is the best, we DO NOT want another one. Not right now anyway.

The coup de grace was when she woke up from a nap and started crying while we had tried to take advantage of the alone time. Talk about a complete and total buzz kill. It was almost as immediate and disastrous as if one of our parents had walked into the room.

But we refused to let it ruin our fun and summoned our inner college student -- a time in life when it was completely normal to have to block out the unsexiness of your roommate. Like drowning out the sounds of kung-foo movie blaring in the next room. Or the pizza delivery guy ringing the doorbell because someone else ordered dinner. Or when your friend lost her psych book and knocked, wondering if she could come in and look around.

Much to our surprise, it wasn't completely impossible to do. Years from now I know Allison will be grossed out at the fact that her father and I even touch lips, let alone anything else. And I'm sure she'll mentally deny that we ever had sex, even though she's living proof of it.

But, it's true.

Kids make it a lot harder, but parents still have sex.


fiona said...

Afternoon delight USED to be the best. Until we had our own little one, and now it's 'get in, get off, get out' before she wakes up.

Gisela said...

LOL-ing!!! Good one.

Ray said...

Good for you two for summoning your inner college student! Despite a baby around you still deserve the satisfaction that comes with being an adult, and being an adult that's in love. Wink, wink. ;o)

Take, care.

Maria said...

What is it with dogs and ruining the mood?

I have a pit and a boxer and both of them act like it's the end of the world when we shut them out of our room.

The entire time Mitch and I are in there, I hear Honey (the boxer) attempting to figure out what's going on in our room by sniffing as much air as she possibly can from underneath the doorway. Meanwhile her partner in crime Percy is pacing the house trying to find some hidden doorway to our room.

amrlion said...

what will probably take the cake is when she realizes that you posted about it online, lol

Kriston said...

You have left yourself open for a LOT of gross dog or baby stories. So here are mine. Sophia was MY dog...a premarital dog. So Daniel wasn't as in to her as I was when we got married. During the heat of passion she jumped up and started licking his butt. The butt crack part.

He somehow managed to carry on but I was very embarrassed and it took him a little bit longer to warm up to her. Now she's his big baby and there isn't a thing he wouldn't do for her. He loves to help her into her crate when he thinks the time is right.

He feels that butt kissing is not appropriate at that time.

Good luck with the sex. It is really hard but yeah...MWK (married with kids) people do manage to have some.

Anonymous said...

Pshh... What are you talking about? My parents never had sex!

Wissh said...

Your kids may be grossed out, but your parents will be horrified....just as soon as they read this. Which will make you grossed out to think....well, you get the picture.

Cindy said...

They do?!!?!?! Eww. ;-)

Wendy said...

We just got a dog (who does not sleep in the bed) and are finding similar challenges. said...

"...happy little stuffed animals that made their way into the bedroom to stare at us..." Funny mental image, great post. Just remember to lock the door when Alli is a couple of years older, though! LOL

Anonymous said...

My mom is not having "relations" Thank You! LOL

suzy said... relieved to know that I'm not the ONLY one with dog stories!!
Good luck, you guys will find just the right time for it!

Kriston said...

I forgot to mention that Daniel feels that when Ian is a teenager and thinks we have grounded him for " no reason" he will bring up all the times he interrupted sex and claim that as reason enough!!

Anonymous said...

Our pups got the hint after a year or so of being either closed out of the room or taking the dog steps away from the bed. Now they rarely glance our way. Until the magic is over....then they run into bedroom or wherever we may be as if the kibble truck was just overturned.
Leaving underwear around or socks is just looking for trouble. I don't think any pet can resist.

jsi said...

The inner college student - ha!