Jerry has done some crazy things on the air -- gotten water balloons launched at him with a giant sling shot, donned a bikini for a car wash fundraiser, choked down a teaspoon of cinnamon -- but yesterday he came home with the repercussions of a stunt I had forgotten about.
He got his chest hair waxed.
When he lifted up his shirt to reveal his mostly bare, red and raw skin, I just cringed. It looked like the worst case of razor burn I'd ever seen with a few rogue sprouts that didn't quite take to the hot wax.
"DON'T TOUCH IT!" he said when I reached out laughing. "My shirt hurts, the air hurts ... just thinking about it hurts."
Apparently it hurt so badly that halfway through he demanded they ignore the hair around his nipples. So he is bare chested -- with two dark circles of hair in the most hilarious spots.
When I got done wiping the tears from my eyes and regained my breath, I could suddenly relate. That's how my nipples felt when I first started nursing. I wanted to die when my shirt brushed against my skin and showers were complete agony. The only relief? Nipple cream made from lamb's wool oil.
So I dug out a tube and rubbed it all over his chest.
He was glistening and relieved.
Maybe they should market it to nursing moms AND victims of bad wax jobs.