Friday, April 4, 2008

Jeff Foxworthy would be proud

Well, it's that time of year again: Redneck Christmas.

And this time, we participated.

I had meant to keep an eye on the calendar to alert myself to the spring trash cleanup, but I didn't even need to. The gigantic piles began forming way before garbage day.

Jerry and I got so excited when we saw heaps of indiscernible trash lining the sidewalks in town that we immediately started taking inventory to see what we could part with. We decided to start in the basement and work our way up to the attic.

As someone who gets sentimentally attached to things, it was harder than I thought it would be. When Jerry pointed to my oversized boombox that I've had since college, I immediately wavered.

"We haven't used it in over a year," he pointed out.

"Yeah, you're right. And someone will take it."

I decided to view it as a great way to recycle the things we no longer use. And I could finally get rid of all of the stuff I had intended to donate to charity a long time ago but never got around to. Not to mention it would save our marriage because we wouldn't be fighting all summer about holding a yard sale -- something I see as a good way to declutter and earn cash, while Jerry says he would rather "hand me a buck fifty and be done with it."

Once we started hauling things to the curb, we got ruthless. To be honest, it's kind of contagious. After awhile, we put Allison in her swing, leashed Toby to a table, propped open the front door and started carrying crap down from the attic. We just sort of yelled our decisions to each other.

"I'm taking the old office chair!"

"Whatever! I'm taking the throw rug!"

So it was bound to happen that we set out a few things that were completely valuable without really thinking. Like the surround sound speakers to my stereo system.

By the time I realized what had happened, they were already loaded into the back of someone's pickup truck, heading off to who knows where. Two guys had showed up while Jerry was carting them out and waited until they had the entire set.

Later we watched as an old guy opted to take a celestial box with a candle in it. And a young girl and her boyfriend took my old alarm clock -- the same one that Meg Ryan has in "You've Got Mail." Oddly, I still remember noticing that when I saw the movie.

Someone else cut the cord off the otherwise broken lamp base we set out. And I really was intrigued that my old monogrammed jewelry box made the cut. If I had to look at someone else's initials every time I reached for a pair of earrings, I would drive myself crazy trying to come up with variations of names that would fit the letters.

Kathy Lauren Pennington
Katie Lynn Parson
Kasandra Lizzette Pantaloons
Karen Lisa Prendergast
Kujo Larinx Puddlehopper
Killme Letmedie Please

All told, everything but the lamp base disappeared before the haulers even got to our street. It's weird to say, but I hope everything went to a good home. I hope right now someone is sitting on our old office chair at their computer, blogging about how they scored it for free.


Marina said...

Englebert Humperdink.
Slutbunny Bangwalla.

Lioncloud said...

I took apart a huge, ugly computer desk over the weekend and put the pieces out by the road. It was gone the next morning.

Years ago, we put a carpet that had been soaked in cat pee out on the road and it was gone in 1/2 hour. We even tried to tell the guy who took it that it was smelly beyond all repair, and he didn't care. He said it was good enough for his tenant's apartment.


the plainsman said...

You mean you did not sell it all on "Killme Letmedie Please" eBay!

We have countinuous bulk item removal here, so we can put stuff out twice a week on regular days. The result: more stuff accumulates to fill the space as there is no incentive for getting it out on that one special week each spring or fall.

Difficult sometimes to seperate the sentimental from the merely "useful some day" junk. And "curbside recycling" works well, many things do get that second life we think of, just for someone else. Think of the new stories that alarm clock will be able to tell. But glad my mom never threw out my old toy trains, matchbox cars!

Good Allison was safely in her swing and Toby tethered, cause they might have been swept out in the fervor as well. It must have been a sight, LOL!

Jen said...

The last line is the BEST! I hope that too.

Randomneuralfirings said...

"After awhile, we put Allison..."

I know my eyes went wide for a second when I read this. I mean, I know you're both very loving parents, but for a second I thought you were making an outrageous exaggeration about your enthusiasm and was surprised you went there.

Jessica said...

I would be in heaven. See my blog for the post about my latest "urban foraging" score. :)

Anonymous said...

I was just wondering, why its so faux pas to put your whole name on your blog.. and I also dont think that blocking out the name of the newspaper is going to do much harm, I mean honestly, how psychotic could someone be to actually TRACK YOU DOWN!? OMG...

Kristin said...

I remember that post from last year, too, lol.
Congratulations on your trash dump =]


novelle360 said...

Well, not using my last name is a compromise in this house and a decision I've written about extensively. Mostly it came about after a strange man started calling me at my office and sending me post cards from all over the country. Psychotic? Absolutely.

Amy said...

It's crazy reading this because I recall the post on this subject vividly, like it was waaay less than a year ago I was reading that one. Yay for participating this year. I'm looking forward to ours, but I can't remember for the life of me when it is. Ah, hopefully I can score some furniture as I'm moving out without anything very very soon. Your old office chair would have made my day!

Ray said...

"....Not to mention it would save our marriage...."

^^You're funny! Your marriage doesn't need saving! Hehe. But I love your choice of words.

Sorry to hear about your speakers. And I wanted to, "Laugh out loud" when I read the part about: someone cutting the cord of your lamp base. What the heck are they going to use that for? As a whip or something (a little mild S&M)? Or maybe whoever the person was: used it to solder some item that they owned, whose other cord got damaged. I guess it all depends where your mind set is at, at the moment (is all)! =)

Also, I love your variations of the intials: KLP. Especially, "Kasandra Lizzette Pantaloons" (PANATLOONS, too funny). And also, "Killme Letmedie Please!"

I hope the next, "Redneck Christmas" is just as great.

Take, care.

P.S. Did you and Jerry take anything from some of your neighbors? Or did you go against that (because that would mean just adding more junk in your house. The purpose for throwing out things to begin with)?