Well, it's that time of year again: Redneck Christmas.
And this time, we participated.
I had meant to keep an eye on the calendar to alert myself to the spring trash cleanup, but I didn't even need to. The gigantic piles began forming way before garbage day.
Jerry and I got so excited when we saw heaps of indiscernible trash lining the sidewalks in town that we immediately started taking inventory to see what we could part with. We decided to start in the basement and work our way up to the attic.
As someone who gets sentimentally attached to things, it was harder than I thought it would be. When Jerry pointed to my oversized boombox that I've had since college, I immediately wavered.
"We haven't used it in over a year," he pointed out.
"Yeah, you're right. And someone will take it."
I decided to view it as a great way to recycle the things we no longer use. And I could finally get rid of all of the stuff I had intended to donate to charity a long time ago but never got around to. Not to mention it would save our marriage because we wouldn't be fighting all summer about holding a yard sale -- something I see as a good way to declutter and earn cash, while Jerry says he would rather "hand me a buck fifty and be done with it."
Once we started hauling things to the curb, we got ruthless. To be honest, it's kind of contagious. After awhile, we put Allison in her swing, leashed Toby to a table, propped open the front door and started carrying crap down from the attic. We just sort of yelled our decisions to each other.
"I'm taking the old office chair!"
"Whatever! I'm taking the throw rug!"
So it was bound to happen that we set out a few things that were completely valuable without really thinking. Like the surround sound speakers to my stereo system.
By the time I realized what had happened, they were already loaded into the back of someone's pickup truck, heading off to who knows where. Two guys had showed up while Jerry was carting them out and waited until they had the entire set.
Later we watched as an old guy opted to take a celestial box with a candle in it. And a young girl and her boyfriend took my old alarm clock -- the same one that Meg Ryan has in "You've Got Mail." Oddly, I still remember noticing that when I saw the movie.
Someone else cut the cord off the otherwise broken lamp base we set out. And I really was intrigued that my old monogrammed jewelry box made the cut. If I had to look at someone else's initials every time I reached for a pair of earrings, I would drive myself crazy trying to come up with variations of names that would fit the letters.
Kathy Lauren Pennington
Katie Lynn Parson
Kasandra Lizzette Pantaloons
Karen Lisa Prendergast
Kujo Larinx Puddlehopper
Killme Letmedie Please
All told, everything but the lamp base disappeared before the haulers even got to our street. It's weird to say, but I hope everything went to a good home. I hope right now someone is sitting on our old office chair at their computer, blogging about how they scored it for free.