After I made mimosas for breakfast on Mother's Day:
"These are so GOOD! If I had known, I would've gotten drunk on these all through college. ... And my puke would've tasted better, too!"
Reflecting on sex while the TV was running and the Pittsburgh Penguins scored in the NHL Eastern Conference Finals:
"It was awesome. The buzzer was going crazy, everyone was screaming ... it was like 54,000 people were cheering me on."
While ordering take out, debating the difference between an Italian sub and a Super Italian sub:
"The super one probably comes with a silk shirt, hair gel and gold chains."