Tuesday, September 23, 2008

I'm sort of amazed I remember to close the door at other people's houses

At some point in my relationship with Jerry, closed doors became obsolete. So obsolete that there are next to no private moments in our house anymore. Not from each other. Not from Allison. Certainly not from Toby who freaks out and noses his way into a space when any door is even a hint near meeting the doorjamb.

Thinking back, I can remember vividly the first time I farted in front of Jer. We had visited our favorite Indian restaurant for lunch and overindulged in the buffet. Later that night, after holding a particularly strong one in for what seemed like an eternity, the gas revolted and exploded out of me involuntarily.

We hadn't been dating very long. I was mortified.

Jerry responded the best way he knew how.

"Oh, THANK GOD!" he said, and let one rip of his own.

It was better than any reaction I could've hoped for. After laughing like maniacs, we opened the farting floodgates. Since then, we've established one rule: Just try not to fart at the table.

And apparently relieving unpleasant bodily functions with your spouse is a slippery slope.

I'm not sure when peeing with the door open started, but in retrospect, I guess it was inevitable. One person's going, the other needs to brush their teeth -- bingo, bango -- why bother closing the door at all?

And people say marriage kills the romance.


We can hold entire conversations while the other person is on the toilet. I wouldn't say I'm completely unfazed because sometimes I have to follow an emergency evacuation plan, but for the most part, it's business as usual.

In fact, we have held some deep, meaningful conversations while one person is using the bathroom. Allison would be mortified to know this, but we actually decided to start trying to conceive while discussing it that way. Strangely, it's kind of a fond memory.

For those who don't understand or find this completely repulsive, I like to explain it like this: Many people say they do their best thinking on the toilet. And two heads are better than one.

So maybe the saying shouldn't be "Goes together like peanut butter and jelly." Maybe it should be "Goes together like two people while one is going."


Erinn said...

My hubby and I have been at the open door stage since before we were married. I totally agree with you on the thinking process and that you do your best thinking in the bathroom. Our downstairs bathroom is right across from the stairs and needless to say one of us always ends up on the stairs.

We also have the "No farting at the table rule". Although, it doesn't always work.

Tammy said...


Jennifer Suarez said...

I can totally relate. I have this large photo of a beautiful tree hanging in our hallway, across from the bathroom door.

I've been asked in the past why I hung such a nice picture in a small hallway area. My answer? I like to have something pretty to look at when I pee with the door open.

Miss said...

LOL! Seriously. I could have written the same post about me and my husband :)

the plainsman said...

See, that little room with the china throne is good for something else beside reading!

Ray said...

I find it great how open and comfortable you and Jerry are with one another. I mean you decided to marry the person so that's the way it should be, but that's not true for a lot of couples. I hope to have what you have one day.

And I couldn't help but say, "Awww" about the way Jerry handled you passing gas. HAHA! It wouldn't be Jerry I suppose if he didn't let one rip himself to make you feel better about the whole situation. And when you find someone that'll start a farting marathon with you and one who isn't repulsed by it, that's someone you hold onto. LOL! =P

Take, care Kelly.

Maria said...

Mitch and I are totally the same way. It was complete taboo when we first started dating but with only one bathroom between us, it was inevitable that it would happen.

Anonymous said...

We are def the same way having full conversations while someone is on the toilet, or enjoying a bath.

Maybe I should add some sort of stool in there. So the other person doesn't have to stand.

Chelsea said...

Since I'm dorming, I get the luxury of doing my business in public bathrooms and sometimes we can hold some good convos with our neighbor in the other stall!

Amanda said...

Hilarious! Me and J are so at this stage!

ajandmac said...

that's seriously amazing...

hey i have a question for you, that's actually maybe even more for jerry -- im wondering about getting into the radio biz as a host, and i was just wondering how jerry got his start?

sarahhhh said...

haha, oh man. i have to confess my fiance is particular about gas. he usually goes into the bathroom. how well trained! haha, i had nothing to do with it.

we're not shy about bathroom stuff, unless we are particularly having a bout of stage freight and need a head start before the other person starts brushing their teeth.

jsi said...

Sometimes I start conversations that are important while hubby is on the potty - nowhere he can go while he's going.

We've needed to resort to the closed door with all of these kids - sometimes it is the only private conversation we have in the day.

Kristin said...

funny blogs like this are the reason I started reading your stuff =P


Anonymous said...

i wanna have a marriage like this!