Did you know today is Jerry's birthday? No? It's not marked on your calendar as a national holiday? You don't automatically get paid to celebrate the day he graced the planet with his greatness? It's not mandatory for stores to only sell steak and cake today? And blue Gatorade?
Because if Jerry had his way, that is how it would be. National Jerry's Birthday. Hell, INTERNATIONAL.
Aliens should be shoving particles of flame-broiled cow flanks into their food-processing units in celebration. And communicating in clicky noises about how the galaxy really got interesting 31 years ago today. Forget BC and AD. We should be in JB -- Jerry's Birth.
But Intersolarsystemal Jerry's Birthday wouldn't just be celebrated today. It would be celebrated all week. Like we do every year for my husband who keeps getting older but refuses to let his inner 4-year-old grow up.
The conversations we've been having all month? Starting sometime in early August?
"What should I ask for for my birthday?"
"You could get me that for my birthday. Or that. Or that."
"Or all of them."
"Don't forget Allison has to get me something for my birthday."
"Have you gotten me my presents yet?"
"Can I open one?"
"How about now?"
"Are my presents in the house?"
"We could play the hot/cold game."
"Just let me unwrap one."
"How about now?"
To shut him up, I jokingly presented the ghetto birthday card he got in the mail from Ace Hardware a few days ago as something he could open early.
And wouldn't you know he was thrilled. FIVE BUCKS OFF! A PURCHASE OF $20 OR MORE! BECAUSE I'M SPECIAL!
And even though we usually celebrate his specialness early with my family, then have another party and another cake with his family and YET ANOTHER CAKE AND PARTY on his actual birthday, he somehow manages to extend the event even longer.
Like this year his big present is a trip to Pittsburgh to see the home opener Steelers game. And the day before that? Tickets to seats on the 50-yard line for the Penn State home opener. That he got from work. After explaining to the powers that be that they would make the perfect birthday present.
So his birthday, which is technically the 24-hour period that started at midnight, ACTUALLY started last weekend when we celebrated with my family. And it will wrap up sometime this weekend in a Steelers hard hat in Heinz Field.
But just when I think the insanity is over, just when I think he is satisfied with the festivities and we can resume our normal routine ...
Then he starts looking forward to Christmas.