Sunday, November 9, 2008

The mother of all PHEWS

I've had a lot weighing on my mind the past few days that I can't write about, which usually translates into not writing at all. If this can't be my outlet, it's tough to summon the drive to put fluff up instead.

But one of the things miraculously cleared up yesterday when I got my period.

I'm not pregnant!

I'M NOT PREGNANNNT!!!

(Heave huge sigh of relief here.)

Because I was nursing up until about a month ago, I refused any form of hormone-based contraceptives, which leaves very few options, actually. So we stuck with tried-and-true, 99.9 percent accurate condoms.

They've always felt like a very safe barrier. Like having the ultimate bouncer at the door to my very exclusive club. So exclusive, he doesn't let anyone in. No matter how many thousands show up.

Then one broke. Right around the time I ovulate. And it was tough not to panic.

I didn't notice any of the signs I had remembered with Allison. Sure, I was exhausted, but that's because I'm constantly sleep-deprived. Sure, my boobs were sore, but that's because Allison slams into them when she careens into me after taking a few steps. Sure, my eyelashes did look more thick and lustrous ... well, hell, maybe? Oh, shit.

The next few weeks, Jerry tried to convince me it wouldn't be that horrible. Sure we weren't ready. Sure I just got my body back to myself and I wanted to be able to enjoy a glass of wine when I felt like it. Sure taking care of a 1-year-old while being pregnant would be excruciatingly difficult. Yes, it would suck.

But we'd manage.

But I didn't want to manage. I would want to write a three-word entry on my blog with "FUCK" as the title and "I'm pregnant" as the post. I would have to try really hard to come around to the idea of doing all of the last year all over again in another few months -- while teaching Allison how to talk and walk and feed herself.

The panic set in. So, of course, my period was late.

Jerry started to panic a little, too.

I just kept thinking that every baby deserves to be celebrated as much as Allison was. Being pregnant is tough enough when you're elated about it, I couldn't imagine struggling through with a child you hadn't planned and prayed for.

When Jer told his coworker about it on the air, Troy shrugged it off. "You're married," he said. "You're in a relationship that's conducive to having kids. That's what married people are supposed to do -- YOU PROCREATE."

Troy drove the point home by saying how the conversation would have an entirely different feel if he was the one who had experienced a condom malfunction.

As in:

"Hey, you know that girl I've been seeing?"

"Which one?"

"Exactly."

But just because you're in a loving, committed relationship doesn't mean an unplanned child would be any easier. It still means nine months of being pregnant. It still means needing a crib, clothes and tons of other gear. It still means getting up throughout the night for months on end. It still means financially being responsible for another being. And emotionally giving of yourself.

Fortunately for us, it didn't come down to that. I can't remember the last time I was so excited to reach for a tampon.

I have my annual gyno checkup in a few weeks.

And I'm definitely going to talk to my doctor about getting my bouncers some backup.

22 comments:

Marcy said...

I think condoms only have a 97% effectiveness rate, when used perfectly. I've seen stats that say real-world use is only about 85%. =( But that's what we're left with now since, like you, I don't want to take hormonal methods while nursing. And, like you, I'd be reduced to panic attacks if I were to become pregnant.

People who think like Troy so obviously don't have children. That's laughable.

Sarah-Jean said...

Oh I hear ya! I'm late for mine (1 week late) and look a prego test yesterday and it was negative, so HUGE sigh of relief from this end of the country too!!!

I think when periods start up again, it's like being 12 all over again. You have no idea when they are going to rear their ugly head and show up at your door.

I can't wait till I'm back on a schedule...

And I wish I had some bouncers at my door, but my husband is uber Catholic and doesn't believe in contraception!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I've been "sneaking" contraceptive jelly and those vaginal contraceptive films in the little package.

I tried the mini-pill for a while but it made my breast milk get clogged, I gained like 10 pounds on it and it made my PMS unbearable. So that only lasted for like 6 months.

Why does it have to be so complicated?!?!

Anonymous said...

It's totally doable to have two kids that are a year apart. My mom did it, though she did want to wait to have my brother, but when it happened, she just thought positively. Diapers, baby food, potty training, etc. ended all together. :)

Holly said...

I've been reading your blog for a few months now ... I love it.

I felt the exact same way last Monday. I'm in a serious relationship, but we are DEFINITELY not ready for a baby. And I most DEFINITELY want the pretty white gown NOT to be maternity size!

But I did feel a slight sense of disappointment when I did reach for a tampon.

I am so excited to have a baby. I just want to wait a few more years.

Oh, and my little cousin got pregnant while she was on the pill. She was on a low-dose pill. Even though she's average size and weight, the pill just wasn't effective for her.

Scary, huh?

Ray said...

"And I'm definitely going to talk to my doctor about getting my bouncers some backup."

^^I loved that last line. =D And I'm glad for you that it was just a false alarm. You're right about the fact that being in a marriage and having another baby, is just as hard under any other circumstances. And just because you're married is it not your job to procreate every chance you get. People expect if from you which I think is silly.

When you and Jerry feel like it's time for baby # 2 all the best of luck to you both. But I like the fact that you want the next baby (if you decide to have any more), to be wanted as much as the first and not a complete and utter surprise.

If only more people thought like that. Too many people don't think about the consequences of having a baby and bringing another baby into the mix. They don't think about how hard is it to not raise just one baby but two. Also, I think it's not fair to the first born whose a baby him/herself. For the baby to now have to share their parent with their sibling at such a young age. People think it's not that big of deal. The baby will adjust. Sure he/she will have to, but why do that? If you can wait, wait. Glad to see you taking other precautions.

Well, take care (sorry for the long comment. I don't mean to be annoying)!

sarahhhhh said...

dang, yes... i think we've all been there one time or another. serious serious.

please let us know what you decide to do for that. i've always been curious about it for future knowledge.

oh, and... OBAMA BABY!

the plainsman said...

Hmmm. Yes, get back-up for the bouncers. Spacing out little ones a bit, if you decide to have more, can pay many dividends, for Allison and both of you as well, not to mention when you are paying college tuition...

Never quite understood the no-contraception idea held by some which would cause their spouse to have to hide their use. Felt sad when I read that comment.

Ps. I was surprised to see that our new President seemed to be un-aware that fully pedigreed pooches can be found in shelters, too, especially now that many families are forced to give up their pets due to economic hardship. Getting his daughters the breed they want and need at a shelter would set a wonderful example for the country.

maria said...

Reading this makes me think of my parents and how they ever survived with my brother and I- and we were 18 months apart. I was thar surprise child.

Melissa said...

Ok, I admit that I have been having a leeeetle bit of baby fever lately (my son's only 9 months old)...but now that you have successfully reminded me of what all being pregnant and having another newborn in the house would entail...yeah, it's safe to say that my baby fever has broken. Thank you!!

Melissa said...

P.S. Question...how long did it take after you had Alli for your period to come back? I'm 9 mths out and still no AF in sight.

Jennifer Suarez said...

CONGRATS!!! ...On NOT being pregnant!

I think it's reason enough to celebrate with a glass (or 5 glasses) of wine. ;-)

That commercial - "Not me, Not now" comes to mind.

Chelsea said...

Yaz is like the best bouncer ever. I don't take it for BC but for acne, anxiety, stress, bad periods and it is amazing. And my friends who do use it as BC love it. You were probably late because of you stress of maybe being late! Funny how things work.

Suzanne said...

Glad for you that it WAS a false alarm. I'm at that point with Maddie that she's 7mo old and I"m thinking "I'd like another" but then I have the exhausting days that test my strength and patience, and I know there is NO way I could do it again right now. I knew it would be like this, so I went ahead and got a Mirena IUC. You can still nurse (if you are still doing that), and it's good for 5 years (or less if you choose) I'm such the infomercial.

Rachel said...

phew! It seems like I go through this stress every month since my little one was born (13 months ago!). I just ordered up some backup too, to at least regulate things so I'm not 5-20 days late every month!

jsi said...

It really does make that blue box of Tampax look like a magnificent present.
Congrats on your monthly visit.

Hannah said...

My husband and I waited to have sex until we were married so the first month after my husband and I got married I was very anxious to start my period. I take birth control but that .01% or so of women who do get pregnant on the pill kept weighing in on my mind. And wouldn't you know, the first month I was late. We definitely weren't ready to have a baby so we ended up have several long, serious discussions about what we would do if we were preggo. We would be happy but scared. I finally started and I was never happier to have my period. Since then, I've started calming down when it comes to that time of the month.

Anonymous said...

Hi! I've read your blog for some time now after stumbling across it, and don't think I've ever commented. I have to make a children's story for one of my Education classes and was looking for ideas..I came to this site www.blurb.com. If you look at some of the samples they have blog books, and they are completely adorable. Just thought maybe you'd like the idea in your head for your monthly letters to Allison when it comes time to let her read them!
-Kristan

Sarah said...

ha ha i'm gay

Anonymous said...

Congratulations!!

Sometimes not being pregnant deserves a party just like becoming pregnant does :-)

novelle360 said...

Kristan,
Thanks for the link!

Kristin said...

it's so funny how two years ago, you would have been so upset at this news, and this entry would have had a completely different feel to it =P

Congrats on not being pregnant =]

-KrIsTiN-

LeslieAnn said...

I was on Yaz for a year and hated it. Prior to being on it I was on Ortho Tri and I wanted to try it out. While on Yaz my cramps got worse, my skin got worse and my body became much more sensitive to it. Like... If I took it more than two hours late I would bleed for two weeks instead of one. Super awesome.

I switched back to Ortho Tri this week and couldn't be more excited.