Now I know why parents shell out an exorbitant amount of money to reserve a corner at Happy Fantastic Fun Zone with soggy pizza for their kid's birthday.
I've officially gone over the edge trying to plan for Allison's party on Saturday. I've been obsessing over activities for the little ones, what to put in the treat bags, making food and cleaning my house all while working a seven-day stretch with four or five hours of sleep a night.
I'm completely frazzled.
To top it off, I ordered Allison's gift on eBay almost three weeks ago and IT ISN'T HERE YET. Leaving all of the negative feedback in the world for that seller won't make me feel any better about the situation.
Yes, I know Alli is too young to know that her own parents were the only ones who didn't get her a gift on her birthday if it comes to that. BUT I WILL. And so will Jerry. What upsets me most is that it was all in the name of saving 20 bucks. And, trust me, the stress barometer would've been much more manageable if I had just sucked it up and ordered from the store directly.
I try to stop my head from ticking through everything that needs to be done, but it's impossible. I'm even dreaming about it at this point. I feel the anxiety welling up so much that I'm amazed the acid in my stomach hasn't eaten a hole through my abdominal wall, allowing my intestines to cascade all over the floor.
Maybe it'll happen right as I answer the door for the first guests.
"Excuse my entrails," I'll say. "Help yourself to drinks. I lost sleep over whether to go with Coke or Pepsi products. Coats can go upstairs on our bed. And please note that I neurotically took the time to dust the baseboards. Crafts will start soon for the kids. I made four trips to three different stores to get everything -- just don't ask how many trips to the grocery store I made. Or how many times I forgot the damn rolls. Grab a seat now, space is limited. The payoff will be that the cake is amazing. I spent the entire month trying to teach Allison to blow out a candle, but only succeeded in nearly setting her hair on fire. And, oh, I DON'T HAVE A GIFT FOR MY OWN DAUGHTER. Enjoy the party!"
And, OH MY GOD, do I really have to do this every year?
I think childbirth was easier.