I just crossed an item off my Bucket List. It's nothing as exhilarating as that trip to Europe I dream about. Or as fulfilling as seeing my name on the front of a book cover. But it was up there.
I finally ate a slice of Mac & Cheese Loaf.
Remember? The N-A-S-T-Y mystery meat I spotted at my grocery store last summer?
After months of continually using it as a punchline at my office, one of my co-workers slapped a bag of it on my desk on her way to her department. Probably because she hoped I would shut the hell up about it.
All I could do was cheer.
I have been waiting for the mystery meat to reappear at my grocery store, but apparently it's like Brigadoon -- it only comes around once every hundred years.
So I immediately rolled a few slices into little mystery meat tubes and shared with the only other person I work with brave enough to try it with me. We cheersed them much like I did with my first shot of bottom-shelf whisky on my 21st birthday. And the result was much the same.
I nearly barfed.
It has the gritty consistency of bologna, only not as refined. The aftertaste felt almost like I coated my mouth with flour. I'm guessing the red chunks were pimento, but they did little to add to the flavor. Or mask it. Whichever.
The noodles -- if you could call them that -- were indestructible. I tried to peel a few out individually to see what they tasted like on their own, and they kept coming out whole, no matter how much I pulled and yanked to separate them. Forget concrete. We should build entire buildings out of the noodles in this loaf. They would withstand earthquakes.
And the cheese? Ingenious. Why wait for a deli worker to slice yet another item for you when you can just combine the meat and cheese into ONE LOAF? I imagine this was the brainchild of a Cheese Whiz executive. It appears like the meat was just injected with the tip of a spray can in places and depressed a few times, leaving little hunks of orange substance behind.
Internet, my advice? If you can find it, RUSH OUT AND BUY SOME OF THIS LOAF IMMEDIATELY.
You will not be disappointed.
Unless you're actually hungry and are in the mood for something edible.