Saturday, January 17, 2009

Behold The Loaf

I just crossed an item off my Bucket List. It's nothing as exhilarating as that trip to Europe I dream about. Or as fulfilling as seeing my name on the front of a book cover. But it was up there.

I finally ate a slice of Mac & Cheese Loaf.

Remember? The N-A-S-T-Y mystery meat I spotted at my grocery store last summer?

After months of continually using it as a punchline at my office, one of my co-workers slapped a bag of it on my desk on her way to her department. Probably because she hoped I would shut the hell up about it.

All I could do was cheer.

I have been waiting for the mystery meat to reappear at my grocery store, but apparently it's like Brigadoon -- it only comes around once every hundred years.

So I immediately rolled a few slices into little mystery meat tubes and shared with the only other person I work with brave enough to try it with me. We cheersed them much like I did with my first shot of bottom-shelf whisky on my 21st birthday. And the result was much the same.

I nearly barfed.

It has the gritty consistency of bologna, only not as refined. The aftertaste felt almost like I coated my mouth with flour. I'm guessing the red chunks were pimento, but they did little to add to the flavor. Or mask it. Whichever.

The noodles -- if you could call them that -- were indestructible. I tried to peel a few out individually to see what they tasted like on their own, and they kept coming out whole, no matter how much I pulled and yanked to separate them. Forget concrete. We should build entire buildings out of the noodles in this loaf. They would withstand earthquakes.

And the cheese? Ingenious. Why wait for a deli worker to slice yet another item for you when you can just combine the meat and cheese into ONE LOAF? I imagine this was the brainchild of a Cheese Whiz executive. It appears like the meat was just injected with the tip of a spray can in places and depressed a few times, leaving little hunks of orange substance behind.

Internet, my advice? If you can find it, RUSH OUT AND BUY SOME OF THIS LOAF IMMEDIATELY.

You will not be disappointed.

Unless you're actually hungry and are in the mood for something edible.

DSC_0221
The Loaf.


DSC_0215
A closeup of all its glory. I know. You're completely salivating.
And, yes, by salivating I mean audibly gagging.

29 comments:

Timberly said...

This makes me want to barf. Yuk!

bornforthis85 said...

That is so gross! I don't blame you for wanting to barf!

Mia said...

I'm shuddering. That looks like someone ate some noodles and threw up and then made it into a meat loaf. Disgusting. You're so brave!

Jaclyn said...

Remember that post you did where you warned us with the title that there were some graphic descriptions in the post??

Well you COULDA done the same thing with this post!! That was the nastiest thing I've seen in a long time. And remember: I have a toddler!!!!

Kristy said...

Ewwww!

Anonymous said...

Haha, dear god. Look at that stuff.

C said...

This entry should come with a warning, I just woke up and that's what I see first thing in the morning . . . of all things holy, who could've possibly thought that was a good idea????

Sarah said...

Oh my god it looks like mold. Nasty nasty meatloaf mold.

Anonymous said...

this needs a warning in giant bold letters. that loaf is disgusting!

Annie said...

I actually audibly gagged, no mac and cheese for dinner tonight! They must have thought, well mac and cheese with hot dogs is good, the other way around must also be good! Blech...

Lori :-) said...

That's. just. NASTY!

andrea said...

EW! The Canadian version looks NOTHING like that... not that I buy it, I just pass it on my way to pick up bagged milk and other Canadian oddities.

emily said...

oh gosh, that looks horrible! i don't blame you for what you said! hah

gabrielina said...

I know I'm alone here and everyone will think I am N-A-S-T-Y just like the loaf but I still want to try it! And now I want to try it more after seeing the pictures. I just want to know how bad it is first hand. HAHAHAHA.

Ray said...

Ummm, I think I'll just take your word for it. Don't think I'll be buying it (probably wouldn't find it in any supermarkets around me anyhow),though now it's got me curious. =P

Julie said...

I grew up in South America....the land of nasty nasty things. I have two children...who do nasty nasty things. I have had dogs all my life....nasty nasty things have come through or been left in my house. I have had a monkey, a road runner, an ocelot, a deer, macaws, a wild pig, etc as pets...nasty nasty stuff has happened. Yet I have never seen anything as revolting as that. Ever. I need to go pour coffee in my eyes now. Thanks a bunch.

Anonymous said...

Great Caesars Ghost that's horrible! You're a better woman than I am. I wouldn't have even CONSIDERED trying that.

Erica said...

Oh wow, I can't believe you actually ate that. I can't believe a supermarket can actually warrant selling that!

CYNTHIA said...

That looks like something you would find under a microscope. Yack!

Anonymous said...

Ewww. Just seeing it makes me gag. How some people can eat this stuff all the time, and enjoy it, is way beyond me!!

While voting no, the plainsman said...

A while back when you mentioned it, thought it was simply mac & cheese compressed in a mold and then sliced. That did not make much sense, but between two slices of bread and microwaved, maybe with with a little ketchup, probably OK.

But this. This. THIS is not what I had in mind. It undoubtedly violates all natural and man made law. It must be stopped.

its_just_ang said...

That absolutely looks like puke. SOOOOO disgusting. Barf loaf...yuck!

Chelsea said...

I wonder after how many jello shots the butcher decided to create that masterpiece.

Rach said...

I pretty much peed my pants reading this. THANK YOU for being the guinea pig that none of us were bold enough to be when it comes to trying something that resembles a horrible mistake in the culinary world.

Anonymous said...

Yuk!!! But anywho...GOOOOOO STEELERS!!!!!

Melissa said...

That looks like it should be in a medical textbook. I'm glad I didn't eat breakfast this morning.

the plainsman said...

Like the best of horror flicks, I saw this post last night and woke up with it on my mind this morning! Googled the stuff, found it doed not even rate a page on the Wiki! BUT WAIT! I found a blog by a person who actually likes it and admitted so on January 5th! One Laura Pier, see
http://www.blogsmonroe.com/food/?p=1241
And some others do too! Maybe a different brand, eh?

Anonymous said...

It's a good thing you can't see the cow lips and ears that go into hot dogs. Appearances are oh so important. Flee the loaf.

Dave, 'LunaPierCook' said...

Kelly, here's the post of our local mac-n-cheese loaf plainsman was pointing you to:

http://www.blogsmonroe.com/food/?p=1241

The pic of what you posted doesn't look good to even me ... and I grew up on the Koegel's brand I posted on my site. You need to try the real thing.