Thursday, January 7, 2010

Acknowledging what I've refused to

A close friend of mine once said I was "one of those annoying people who is good at everything."

Lovingly, of course.

I wouldn't say I even touch the hem of Martha Stewart's apron, but I do like to consider myself multi-talented when it comes to using the right side of my brain. The only problem is that it has become painfully clear that my creative juices only flow in one direction at a time. I can't portion it off, even when I want to.

A few nights ago when I didn't have any photos to edit, orders to place or sessions to book, I sat down and started reading through some of my old blog posts. I don't do it often, but when I do, it's everything I had intended it to be when I started on this venture five years ago.

It can make me laugh and cry. It can make my heart dance and break all in a few little clicks. I hadn't ever been successful at keeping a journal in my lifetime, but the daily pressure of providing something for other people to read inspired me and kept me at it. And I couldn't be more grateful.

So it probably goes without saying that I'm angry at myself for failing to document the past few months as well since starting my business. This has been one of the most interesting and demanding times of my life, and I have very little to show for it personally. I do, of course, have an incredible portfolio of images that can't be overlooked and met some really fantastic people along the way.

But lost in the mix is my writing. I thought having a baby was demanding on my personal time. Try raising a business. It requires about the same lack of sleep.

I do miss it. And I know I'm going to miss reading about Allison's daily adventures when I'm older and desperate to remember her little nuances at this age. Like how she has to say goodnight to the entire house before laying down to bed. And still hasn't completely mastered the pronunciation of certain words, so she says things like "packpack" instead of backpack and calls anything in a container that is designed to sprinkle it's contents onto food "sparkers."

As in, "I want MORE SPARKERS!" while I was topping my pasta with parmesan last night.

Then, when I added some to her bowl of noodles, she just dipped her finger repeatedly into the sparkers and licked it clean, eventually leading to the declaration, "Mmm. Cheese."

I'm not going to say I'm resolving to write more this year, because those kinds of statements are made to be broken, but I can say that the desire is there.

I have some big goals for 2010, personally and professionally, and this seems like a good start.


julie said...

Yay!!! I know I've missed reading your blogs. I love your photos, don't get me wrong, but your words paint a picture of your life that I've missed lately.

Fit Mama said...

I stink at keep any kind of journal for myself. And now that I'm on my second pregnancy, I try to recall what was going on at this point during my first pregnancy, and I have no records. About six months ago, I bought two notebooks, one for my daughter and one for our new baby, in which I simply write things when I have a chance, so I can remember these crazy times with a toddler and pregnancy. I just want to make sure the stuff I forget as the kids get older is logged somewhere, so we can look back and laugh and cry about it someday :) It isn't a big commitment, but might help you to track all of Allison's nuances :)

Anonymous said...

We look forward to reading as many blog posts as you have time to write.

the_plainsman said...

Good to read this. Always said how well you paint images with your words alone. Sometimes catch your letters to Alli before you add the photos and have a vivid picture of each scene or event. Then a second treat when I come back and see how you visually tell her month's story. You do have a gift of writimg and happy to hear you missed it. Excercise it when you are able. We will read.

Ray said...

I've never been good about keeping a journal in my lifetime either. A paper journal that is, and I don't know why, but: writing online it's a different story (I've been doing it for five and a half years now and it just feels easy). And I too, (while I don't do it often) go back and reminisce on journal entries, and sometimes I even go, "who is this girl" and "I still know you." I guess it's good to go back sometimes, to see if you've changed at all throughout the years.

Anyhow: I hope that you do get to write here more often. On another note: Thanks for taking us on this journey for the past five years. It's been awesome knowing you and your family; through your words. ;o)

Huzzah said...

I know exactly how you feel. I used to write in my journal every single day. Now an entire month can go by without my cracking open that book even once. As awful and as guilty as I feel about it, I cannot promise myself that I'll write more when life gets in the way, and time gets lost. I hope you do manage to find some time for yourself to write more frequently. I know I'm one of many who have missed your blogging.

Diane said...

This is the first time I am reading your blog again after two years. Wow... You have a photography business now. That is amazing... Allison is like my 2-year old son Kian. He pronounces backpack as backback. :D Hope to read more posts from you.

LeslieAnn said...

I love your writing and I've noticed how it's been more infrequent lately. I figure you're a busy lady and you'll write when you have time so I just try to appreciate it when you do. I love your stories and the details and your humor.
I think I should do more blogging too. I seem to read a lot of others' blogs but neglect my own personal writing.

I was thinking a few minutes ago - I've been reading your writing for years and haven't provided much opportunity for you to read mine. I wrote something I'm really proud of for our paper this week and would love for you to read it if you get the chance. :)